Think today is going to be a bad day

Something is wrong, and even though we've been hoping as hard as we possibly can, deep deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew the news wasn't going to be good. I can't even begin to think about it too much else I think I will start to cry and never stop and to date I have already had to supress that feeling lately. ( Should have been planning a 2nd Birthday party round bout now) I KNEW things weren't as they seemed and even though the rational side of me thinks that things will be ok and we'll get through and manage, the other side of me is completely devastated and I don't know how i can even comprehend why it happened. Plus I have to cope with the fact I will have  to be strong for others - i'm not sure how much more breakage my heart can take. A bleak post and even though teh sun is shining on a glorious day - the darkness is oppressive. plus it's my beloved nanna's anniversary tomorrow - I miss her so so so much. :(