Look away now Vivian!
My boy turned sweet sixteen today. He's smart, polite, sweet and yes I'm biased!! He is also spoilt! He asked for a toffee birthday cake; he got a toffee birthday cake, with matching bonus fairy buns! Filled with vanilla buttercream, the outside was smooched all over with home made toffee butter icing. It tasted like heaven! Just incase it was lacking calories I added some RCDM.
That's right, Real Cadbury's Dairy Milk flake round the edge and in the middle and buttons set at a jaunty angle! The HG declared it a tad sickly. Oh I shot him the side eyes and he quickly said it wasn't my cake it was him! The birthday boy approved as did Lisa and her tribe who called this afternoon.
Harry, who says my name so cutely, was just after my breadsticks! Alas I'd eaten them all. I am the worst Aunty in the world!
I may also be on the way to being the best cake pop maker in the world. Alright, there may be a tad exaggeration there!
Sadly, the cake pops I made yesterday were not spherical. So I taught them a lesson. I swore viciously at them as I bashed their brains out in a large bowl. I added a good dollop of the afore mentioned homemade toffee buttercream and a silky slither of melted RCDM. I squeezed the breath out of the mixture and rolled it into neat balls!
Popped them in the freezer for a bit. Then using melted RCDM glued a stick in each. They set in the fridge for a while.
Eagerly I 'ip dip sky blued' to choose which 'Candy Melts' I was going to use first. I chose the pretty white ones with the coloured bits in and the blue ones. I dipped, twirled and tapped - just as my lovely Twitter chum Holly off the Great British Bake Off showed me ( and millions of others in her YouTube video - find it on her blog ) the applied sprinkles!
I think you will agree they are a billion times better than the first attempt. The photos do not do them justice! Also as this is an iPhone post I'm not sure what order the photos will appear! I was quite pleased with my Yorkshires too today!
What did you make/bake today?
Sunday 21 April 2013
Sweet 16 & Sweet success
Saturday 20 April 2013
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr CakePops #2
And not in a Tony the Tiger way either.
Two words. Cake and Pops.
I lowered the temperature. I mega greased the tray. I kept a beady eye on them. I measured EXACTLY the ingredients.
They stuck worse than the last time.
They are currently cooling, in bits, ready to be moulded with buttercream into trufflesesque balls. I will have balls.
I have candy melts. Shitloads of candy melts. I want perfectly formed balls of cake.
I'm also a bit grrrrr because my beautiful baby boy turns sixteen tomorrow. I disapprove of this growing up malarkey.
I am purrrrrr ( the opposite of grrrr?? ) because the sun shone today and it was warm! The boys ordered toffee cake has turned out ok unlike the blessed cake pops. I have line dried towels that are stiffened by the sunshine and smell divine! I love hard, scratchy,rough, line dried
towels.
Following this rapidly and badly written post is a photo of today's haul from Hobbycraft! Well, someone has to keep the economy afloat!
Two words. Cake and Pops.
I lowered the temperature. I mega greased the tray. I kept a beady eye on them. I measured EXACTLY the ingredients.
They stuck worse than the last time.
They are currently cooling, in bits, ready to be moulded with buttercream into trufflesesque balls. I will have balls.
I have candy melts. Shitloads of candy melts. I want perfectly formed balls of cake.
I'm also a bit grrrrr because my beautiful baby boy turns sixteen tomorrow. I disapprove of this growing up malarkey.
I am purrrrrr ( the opposite of grrrr?? ) because the sun shone today and it was warm! The boys ordered toffee cake has turned out ok unlike the blessed cake pops. I have line dried towels that are stiffened by the sunshine and smell divine! I love hard, scratchy,rough, line dried
towels.
Following this rapidly and badly written post is a photo of today's haul from Hobbycraft! Well, someone has to keep the economy afloat!
Wednesday 10 April 2013
The answer my friends, is blowing in the till, the answer is £4.45!
That's right. Four whole English Pounds and Forty Five shiny new pennies!
If you are new here and would like to know the question - it's in the previous post!
Not content with splurging on baked goods - that I didn't even participate in. ( Again, see previous post). I went and blew the week's shopping budget in the Housewifery Porn Emporium that is otherwise known as Lakeland ( Plastics) . Sure , I do know in a bid to become more upmarket ,they dropped the 'Plastics'; but that's what they are known as in this house and always will be!
I came away with a HUGE bagful of goodies. I bought things like extra dividers for my 12" by 12" cake pan. I bought some bargain cake cases. I also bought some new bakeware that was on offer. A lot of mine are over 20 years old and frankly need replacing!
But this caught my eye...
I had the option of the slightly cheaper silicone version, but apart from my small cupcake cases and the larger gingerbread man one, I'm not very impressed with it. So this pretty, shiny, oh so cute tin made it into my basket!
Eagerly I set off to try it. What a DISASTER!! Well not totally.....but see for yourselves!
s l o w l y turned and twisted the sticks to get an even coating. I added as many sprinkles as I could. I emergency texted my close supportive friend - who just LAUGHED at my angst!
Me - What a ducking mess I'm making with these sodding cake pops.
CSF - Ha ha ha .. I can imagine. It seemed like such a good idea at the time!
Me - The sticks don't hold the weight. There's melted chocolate everywhere. I've sprinkles stuck to my eyebrows. So I've 'glued' the sticks in with chocolate and I've WALKED AWAY!! %^&*&^%% Balls!
CSF- I am crying here LOLOLOLOLO you do make me giggle. You should tweet all that. It's hysterical! Balls to Cake Pops I say!
So I declined her kind suggestion, choosing to blog it instead! Cheers CSF - you know who you are!
Please don't laugh when you see my deformed balls. They taste absolutely DIVINE! That's all that matters. Right?!
If you are new here and would like to know the question - it's in the previous post!
Not content with splurging on baked goods - that I didn't even participate in. ( Again, see previous post). I went and blew the week's shopping budget in the Housewifery Porn Emporium that is otherwise known as Lakeland ( Plastics) . Sure , I do know in a bid to become more upmarket ,they dropped the 'Plastics'; but that's what they are known as in this house and always will be!
I came away with a HUGE bagful of goodies. I bought things like extra dividers for my 12" by 12" cake pan. I bought some bargain cake cases. I also bought some new bakeware that was on offer. A lot of mine are over 20 years old and frankly need replacing!
But this caught my eye...
I had the option of the slightly cheaper silicone version, but apart from my small cupcake cases and the larger gingerbread man one, I'm not very impressed with it. So this pretty, shiny, oh so cute tin made it into my basket!
Eagerly I set off to try it. What a DISASTER!! Well not totally.....but see for yourselves!
1. I decided to halve the recipe for the first go as this quantity makes 24. In hindsight - GREAT IDEA!! |
s l o w l y turned and twisted the sticks to get an even coating. I added as many sprinkles as I could. I emergency texted my close supportive friend - who just LAUGHED at my angst!
Me - What a ducking mess I'm making with these sodding cake pops.
CSF - Ha ha ha .. I can imagine. It seemed like such a good idea at the time!
Me - The sticks don't hold the weight. There's melted chocolate everywhere. I've sprinkles stuck to my eyebrows. So I've 'glued' the sticks in with chocolate and I've WALKED AWAY!! %^&*&^%% Balls!
CSF- I am crying here LOLOLOLOLO you do make me giggle. You should tweet all that. It's hysterical! Balls to Cake Pops I say!
So I declined her kind suggestion, choosing to blog it instead! Cheers CSF - you know who you are!
Please don't laugh when you see my deformed balls. They taste absolutely DIVINE! That's all that matters. Right?!
I hope you scrolled back up to note the similarities between mine and the illustrated recipe card!
Lessons I have learned.
1. Cake pops are ROCK HARD to decorate.
2. Grease the tin A LOT MORE
3. Bake for slightly LESS time than I did at a slightly lower temperature.
4. Hire a professional to come an decorate them.
Have you ever made these? Have you any *coughs* 'success' stories you'd like to share?
Saturday 6 April 2013
Artisan my arse.
Artisan. Let's consider this word. It's a new word in recent times to be used for daylight robbery.
Duck Turpin is wearing a flour encrusted pinny these days. He's very clever. Take some flour. Add some yeast, a slosh of beer, salt, knead, prove, knock it back, shape, slash, glaze sprinkle on some oats/seeds/mouse droppings/etc bake, done. ( Rather Gordon Ramseyesque there I thought. )
Oh and then give it a swanky pants name
Ye olde fashionde brewerye loafe and you can charge anywhere from £3 -£5 for it.
Bake it and they will spend!
Well not me thank you very much. It is a RIP OFF! £2 a small bloomer they charge on the Farmer's Market. There's another
way of getting people to pay thrice the price for stuff.
The way stupid people are parted from their money amazes me.
Green grocers - carrots, 10p per kg
Farmers Market - field grown orange root vegetables, plucked from the earth £4 per kg
What sane person will pay a tenner for a jar of jam just because the label says someone's granny made it in her homely kitchen?? I'll tell you who, the same person who spent a months mortgage on the wholemeal oven baked loaf of cobblers for their toast.
Fools.
Take yesterday for instance. I went into an Artisan bread shop. It stank. The overwhelming stench of brewers yeast was horrible. They were selling quarter loaves of sourdough bread for £2.50 each!
They had Jewish loaves ( that looked nothing like the authentic ones I've seen, oaty loaves, wheat loaves ( JHC ) wheat loaves -I ask you!! ,
They probably could have sold playdoh loaves and not one of their poncy customers will have noticed.
Nothing was under £2.50
I'd gone in with the intention of buying something. The family wanted something to eat, we'd been out longer than I thought and up in the Lakes sometimes you are limited. We'd stopped at a place to look at a cycle warehouse.
I bought a coconut jam slice and two pieces of flapjack. Have a guess how much. The winner will get nothing but the smug feeling of being right! Off you go. Guess away!
Not me. Not bloody likely.
Duck Turpin is wearing a flour encrusted pinny these days. He's very clever. Take some flour. Add some yeast, a slosh of beer, salt, knead, prove, knock it back, shape, slash, glaze sprinkle on some oats/seeds/mouse droppings/etc bake, done. ( Rather Gordon Ramseyesque there I thought. )
Oh and then give it a swanky pants name
Ye olde fashionde brewerye loafe and you can charge anywhere from £3 -£5 for it.
Bake it and they will spend!
Well not me thank you very much. It is a RIP OFF! £2 a small bloomer they charge on the Farmer's Market. There's another
way of getting people to pay thrice the price for stuff.
The way stupid people are parted from their money amazes me.
Green grocers - carrots, 10p per kg
Farmers Market - field grown orange root vegetables, plucked from the earth £4 per kg
What sane person will pay a tenner for a jar of jam just because the label says someone's granny made it in her homely kitchen?? I'll tell you who, the same person who spent a months mortgage on the wholemeal oven baked loaf of cobblers for their toast.
Fools.
Take yesterday for instance. I went into an Artisan bread shop. It stank. The overwhelming stench of brewers yeast was horrible. They were selling quarter loaves of sourdough bread for £2.50 each!
They had Jewish loaves ( that looked nothing like the authentic ones I've seen, oaty loaves, wheat loaves ( JHC ) wheat loaves -I ask you!! ,
They probably could have sold playdoh loaves and not one of their poncy customers will have noticed.
Nothing was under £2.50
I'd gone in with the intention of buying something. The family wanted something to eat, we'd been out longer than I thought and up in the Lakes sometimes you are limited. We'd stopped at a place to look at a cycle warehouse.
I bought a coconut jam slice and two pieces of flapjack. Have a guess how much. The winner will get nothing but the smug feeling of being right! Off you go. Guess away!
Not me. Not bloody likely.
Labels:
Artisan,
Baking,
bread,
Farmers' Markets,
money
Thursday 4 April 2013
LOTR - a saga.
This post is dedicated to my best buddy Eryn.
She loves the two things this post focuses on; going to the Pictures ( Translation - cinema ) and LOTR. ( She also loves HP and Disney - but they are for another time! )
LOTR stands for Lord of The Rings
Or is the the Ring? I don't know or care for that matter.
Now first of all I am pretty sure they are 'critically acclaimed'. As you know, if you read my blog, being C.A means that I'm a hundred and twenty seven times more likely to think it's rubbish!
I can appreciate Peter Whatisface's direction and cinematography. New Zealand is stunning. The CGI is stunning. The old bloke who played the first Dumbledore I think's acting was stunning. There it ends. It is so so so so so loooooong. Also when I think of it I automatically think of the fabulous French and Saunders parody of it!
Cut to Sunday evening. It was chosen to be the DVD of the family evening. After approximately fourteen hours into the film my daughter uttered something. It made me chortle. I tweeted Eryn!
Me - Just laughing my head off here as the Girlchild just whined after two hours of watching,
" What IS that Frodo dooooowinnnnguhh???"
Eryn - LOL LOL LOL How is it that your kids have not seen these films yet? ( Answer at the end )
Me - Because they were too young the first time round and because I couldn't face the BOREDOMMMMM! She cannot believe it takes three films to tell the story!
Eryn - LOL its like only 1100 pages!
So here is the story Eryn and a few of my readers who know me in that strange land called Real Life know.
I'd seen the first film, successfully managed to avoid the second but was ambushed into going to the Pictures to see the third. What makes this worse is that it was in the first couple of days of showing. I do like going to the pictures. I do. But I like to go in the last days of showing. On a Wednesday. Preferably a tea time showing. On a Wednesday because of Orange Wednesdays ( buy one get one free ) and at tea time because everyone is at home eating their tea! This way I manage to get the best seats and it's almost like a private viewing. ( I blame Annie and Daddy Warbucks for this - I watched it EVERYDAY with my cousin Lesley one summer. The best thing back then was you paid to get in and they didn't throw you out. Somedays we watched it THRICE! Twice was not enough! Then we would go home and sing 'The sun'll come out TOOmorrow' for her lucky lucky Mum - Aunty Carol I am SO sorry for all of this!) ( The day we didn't go to the pictures was the day we went and got a puppy - even though Aunty Carol had expressly forbidden it! )
Anyway I am digressing! So I like my cinema like I like my men. Silent. ( snigger )
It was the evening showing. we arrived in plenty of time. We got our seats. Numbered seats. This set me bristling already. Numbered seats?? I want to sit where *I* want TYVM! We were about half way back but on the end. There was an empty aisle seat next to me,then me, the HG and my friend.
The cinema was filling up very quickly. It was rowdy. The trailers started. The room was almost packed out. I say almost because right in the middle of our row there were empty seats. I was not impressed. The aisle seat next to me was also empty. I liked this for the bonus elbow room.
Diagram to show seating. P = Public X = empty seat F= friend HG - Hunter Gatherer, Me = Me!
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPXXXXXPPPPPFHGMEX
I mentioned more than once, to anyone who was listening, that I was not going to stand up to let any latecomers in. It's not a particularly roomy cinema ( see accurate diagram above ) and the seats are cramped to start with. Then you have your coat on your knee etc etc.
I was settled. The lights went down. And boom, some utter twits came down and the usher was showing them down MY side of the pictures and shone his torch to the seats in the middle. I gave him my best "SERIOUSLY?" look. Ungraciously, I half stood up, clutching my coat so it didn't fall off to let them pass. There were hushed whispers of sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry and sorry as FIVE tardy twits bumbled past. I hissed I hope you have been to the toilet becuase I am NOT letting you out. The
last bloke turned to the HG and whispered, "She's joking, right? "
Embarrassed, my HG looked uncomfortable as he shook his head. Grumpily I sat back down with a huff and said I WAS NOT joking. ( I absolutely wasn't.)
Everyone settled down again. Me with my comfortable elbow.
NOT FOR LONG. Oh no - in traipsed a couple.
They stood dithering at the side of me. I shot them side - eyes. Eventually, she chose to sit at the side of me and he went back out. Several minutes later he returned and to my delight, as you can imagine, gave her some nachos. A huge platter of them and one of those ten gallon buckets of pop. The cheesey heated up doritos STANK. The stench wafted over to me. I leaned to my HG and hissed through clenched teeth that they stank. He agreed. I folded my arms and fumed. Eyes firmly fixed on the screen. I concentrated on the film. I contemplated asking for subtitles because I was struggling to hear anything. The horse toothed female at the side of me CRUNCHED, CRISPED, CHOMPED, MUNCHED AND MASTICATED HER HUGE GRINDING JAWS THROUGH THE PUTRID ODOROUS TRAY OF DEEP FRIED JUNK. The smell was knocking me sick. The gnawing of her gnashers was infiltrationg my ear drums. I was gettingPISSED OFF mildly annoyed. Finally she put the tray down and started slurping her drink. She swilled the lot down.
Then it went nicely quiet and we got on with the business of film watching. I was really hot and thought I heard some air conditioning blowing in. But I must have been sat right at one of the jets as it was blowing directly on my cheek. It was warm though. Odd. I turned to the HG and asked if he could feel any air con and was it warm. He shook his head. I sat back again. Yes, there it was again.
IMAGINE MY HORROR WHEN I TURNED THE OTHER WAY people and discovered that the jet of warm air on my cheek was infact coming from the girl next to me's boyfriend who was sat in the chairs behind and was draping himself forwards over her shoulders with his head resting on her shoulder!!!!!! As he was turning inwards slightly to see the screen, his warm breath was ON MY FACE.
EEEEEEEEEUUUUUWWWWWWWW.
I glared at him and leaned back to the HG and whispered loudly for the world to hear the the aircon was HIS breath. He'd been breathing on me and that I felt sick! I overdramatically got a tissue out of my back and furiously began wiping my face. Cursing ever so slightly under my breath. When I sat back he was still draped but had moved his head to the other side of hers. I just stared at them. The were a loving couple. They were clearly oblivious to me and my murderous angst. They then got up and left. Not for long. She must need the toilet I reasoned, after twelve gallons of Coke. I was wrong.
They came back in reeking of cigarette smoke. I coughed. I wrinkled my nose. I was toe tapping by now and had developed a slight eye twitch. Meanwhile we were still only two hours into the film. TWO MOTHERFECKIN hours.
"How much longer?" I politely enquired. The HG shrugged his shoulders. I thought it can't be that long because Freddo or whatever his name was had got the ring back off that other thing and was getting nearer to a huge volcanoey mountainy thing.
I gazed at the screen as loving boyfriend clearly thought his girlfriend needed a shoulder massage and commenced groping at her from behind. My peripheral vision would NOT SWITCH OFF!
I was now doing the 'buttock hitching' dance in my seat. The plush material was staring to prickle through my skirt and make my legs itch. I think the loving couple glanced over but frankly I did not care one bit!
In my head I DARED them to say something. My Cinema rage was almost at boiling point. I'd been cooped up for HOURS against my will, watching a film I did not want to watch. In my head I said
Just THROW THE F*CKING RING IN WILL YOU?!
Only .... I'd not said it in my head. The HG sniggered, my friend looked mortified. Loving couple sprang apart. I think they's seen the edge I was dangling on. I did not see his hands creep towards her again.
Anyway - you know how it goes. In the ring goes. Blah blah blah. I made to get my coat and get ready to leave.
But no - here comes a ship to take them off into the sunset. Ahhh what a lovely ending I think. I made to get my coat and make my exit.
BUT NO. CUT TO FREAKO in a bed being nursed back to health. I do not say it in my head - I speak out loud .
WILL THIS BLOODY FILM EVER END??? ( I make no apologies if my continuity is a little mixed up but the film really does go on for ever and ever and a bit longer! )
I sat back with a huff but perched on the edge of my seat coat in hand. Poised for the MINUTE the credits started. I sprinted out of there like Linford Frigging Christie.
So THAT is why my children have not seen the LOTR.
Right, I really fancy this new Hansel and Gretel film. Who wants to take me to the pictures??!!!
She loves the two things this post focuses on; going to the Pictures ( Translation - cinema ) and LOTR. ( She also loves HP and Disney - but they are for another time! )
LOTR stands for Lord of The Rings
Or is the the Ring? I don't know or care for that matter.
Now first of all I am pretty sure they are 'critically acclaimed'. As you know, if you read my blog, being C.A means that I'm a hundred and twenty seven times more likely to think it's rubbish!
I can appreciate Peter Whatisface's direction and cinematography. New Zealand is stunning. The CGI is stunning. The old bloke who played the first Dumbledore I think's acting was stunning. There it ends. It is so so so so so loooooong. Also when I think of it I automatically think of the fabulous French and Saunders parody of it!
Cut to Sunday evening. It was chosen to be the DVD of the family evening. After approximately fourteen hours into the film my daughter uttered something. It made me chortle. I tweeted Eryn!
Me - Just laughing my head off here as the Girlchild just whined after two hours of watching,
" What IS that Frodo dooooowinnnnguhh???"
Eryn - LOL LOL LOL How is it that your kids have not seen these films yet? ( Answer at the end )
Me - Because they were too young the first time round and because I couldn't face the BOREDOMMMMM! She cannot believe it takes three films to tell the story!
Eryn - LOL its like only 1100 pages!
So here is the story Eryn and a few of my readers who know me in that strange land called Real Life know.
I'd seen the first film, successfully managed to avoid the second but was ambushed into going to the Pictures to see the third. What makes this worse is that it was in the first couple of days of showing. I do like going to the pictures. I do. But I like to go in the last days of showing. On a Wednesday. Preferably a tea time showing. On a Wednesday because of Orange Wednesdays ( buy one get one free ) and at tea time because everyone is at home eating their tea! This way I manage to get the best seats and it's almost like a private viewing. ( I blame Annie and Daddy Warbucks for this - I watched it EVERYDAY with my cousin Lesley one summer. The best thing back then was you paid to get in and they didn't throw you out. Somedays we watched it THRICE! Twice was not enough! Then we would go home and sing 'The sun'll come out TOOmorrow' for her lucky lucky Mum - Aunty Carol I am SO sorry for all of this!) ( The day we didn't go to the pictures was the day we went and got a puppy - even though Aunty Carol had expressly forbidden it! )
Anyway I am digressing! So I like my cinema like I like my men. Silent. ( snigger )
It was the evening showing. we arrived in plenty of time. We got our seats. Numbered seats. This set me bristling already. Numbered seats?? I want to sit where *I* want TYVM! We were about half way back but on the end. There was an empty aisle seat next to me,then me, the HG and my friend.
The cinema was filling up very quickly. It was rowdy. The trailers started. The room was almost packed out. I say almost because right in the middle of our row there were empty seats. I was not impressed. The aisle seat next to me was also empty. I liked this for the bonus elbow room.
Diagram to show seating. P = Public X = empty seat F= friend HG - Hunter Gatherer, Me = Me!
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPXXXXXPPPPPFHGMEX
I mentioned more than once, to anyone who was listening, that I was not going to stand up to let any latecomers in. It's not a particularly roomy cinema ( see accurate diagram above ) and the seats are cramped to start with. Then you have your coat on your knee etc etc.
I was settled. The lights went down. And boom, some utter twits came down and the usher was showing them down MY side of the pictures and shone his torch to the seats in the middle. I gave him my best "SERIOUSLY?" look. Ungraciously, I half stood up, clutching my coat so it didn't fall off to let them pass. There were hushed whispers of sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry and sorry as FIVE tardy twits bumbled past. I hissed I hope you have been to the toilet becuase I am NOT letting you out. The
last bloke turned to the HG and whispered, "She's joking, right? "
Embarrassed, my HG looked uncomfortable as he shook his head. Grumpily I sat back down with a huff and said I WAS NOT joking. ( I absolutely wasn't.)
Everyone settled down again. Me with my comfortable elbow.
NOT FOR LONG. Oh no - in traipsed a couple.
They stood dithering at the side of me. I shot them side - eyes. Eventually, she chose to sit at the side of me and he went back out. Several minutes later he returned and to my delight, as you can imagine, gave her some nachos. A huge platter of them and one of those ten gallon buckets of pop. The cheesey heated up doritos STANK. The stench wafted over to me. I leaned to my HG and hissed through clenched teeth that they stank. He agreed. I folded my arms and fumed. Eyes firmly fixed on the screen. I concentrated on the film. I contemplated asking for subtitles because I was struggling to hear anything. The horse toothed female at the side of me CRUNCHED, CRISPED, CHOMPED, MUNCHED AND MASTICATED HER HUGE GRINDING JAWS THROUGH THE PUTRID ODOROUS TRAY OF DEEP FRIED JUNK. The smell was knocking me sick. The gnawing of her gnashers was infiltrationg my ear drums. I was getting
Then it went nicely quiet and we got on with the business of film watching. I was really hot and thought I heard some air conditioning blowing in. But I must have been sat right at one of the jets as it was blowing directly on my cheek. It was warm though. Odd. I turned to the HG and asked if he could feel any air con and was it warm. He shook his head. I sat back again. Yes, there it was again.
IMAGINE MY HORROR WHEN I TURNED THE OTHER WAY people and discovered that the jet of warm air on my cheek was infact coming from the girl next to me's boyfriend who was sat in the chairs behind and was draping himself forwards over her shoulders with his head resting on her shoulder!!!!!! As he was turning inwards slightly to see the screen, his warm breath was ON MY FACE.
EEEEEEEEEUUUUUWWWWWWWW.
I glared at him and leaned back to the HG and whispered loudly for the world to hear the the aircon was HIS breath. He'd been breathing on me and that I felt sick! I overdramatically got a tissue out of my back and furiously began wiping my face. Cursing ever so slightly under my breath. When I sat back he was still draped but had moved his head to the other side of hers. I just stared at them. The were a loving couple. They were clearly oblivious to me and my murderous angst. They then got up and left. Not for long. She must need the toilet I reasoned, after twelve gallons of Coke. I was wrong.
They came back in reeking of cigarette smoke. I coughed. I wrinkled my nose. I was toe tapping by now and had developed a slight eye twitch. Meanwhile we were still only two hours into the film. TWO MOTHERFECKIN hours.
"How much longer?" I politely enquired. The HG shrugged his shoulders. I thought it can't be that long because Freddo or whatever his name was had got the ring back off that other thing and was getting nearer to a huge volcanoey mountainy thing.
I gazed at the screen as loving boyfriend clearly thought his girlfriend needed a shoulder massage and commenced groping at her from behind. My peripheral vision would NOT SWITCH OFF!
I was now doing the 'buttock hitching' dance in my seat. The plush material was staring to prickle through my skirt and make my legs itch. I think the loving couple glanced over but frankly I did not care one bit!
In my head I DARED them to say something. My Cinema rage was almost at boiling point. I'd been cooped up for HOURS against my will, watching a film I did not want to watch. In my head I said
Just THROW THE F*CKING RING IN WILL YOU?!
Only .... I'd not said it in my head. The HG sniggered, my friend looked mortified. Loving couple sprang apart. I think they's seen the edge I was dangling on. I did not see his hands creep towards her again.
Anyway - you know how it goes. In the ring goes. Blah blah blah. I made to get my coat and get ready to leave.
But no - here comes a ship to take them off into the sunset. Ahhh what a lovely ending I think. I made to get my coat and make my exit.
BUT NO. CUT TO FREAKO in a bed being nursed back to health. I do not say it in my head - I speak out loud .
WILL THIS BLOODY FILM EVER END??? ( I make no apologies if my continuity is a little mixed up but the film really does go on for ever and ever and a bit longer! )
I sat back with a huff but perched on the edge of my seat coat in hand. Poised for the MINUTE the credits started. I sprinted out of there like Linford Frigging Christie.
So THAT is why my children have not seen the LOTR.
Right, I really fancy this new Hansel and Gretel film. Who wants to take me to the pictures??!!!
Wednesday 3 April 2013
Are you newly affluent like me?
Today's post has been highly influenced by this one.
Go read it - go on - click the link and then come back. I'll be here waiting.
http://batsby.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/a-touch-of-class.html
Read it? Welcome back.
It's his best post so far!
So like he instructed - I took the test found on the BBC News website.
This is what I am .
According to the official and therefore it must be true test, I am newly affluent?! You what? It sounds like a hideous disease.
I am NOT averagely aged at 44 - cheeky bar stewards. Eternally 28 me.
Apparently I am sociable - I am - lots of friends!! But also I lean towards hermitdom.
I have lots of cultural interests ( like what Mr Test? ) and sit in the middle of all the groups in terms of wealth:I am sitting in the middle of a messy bedroom scrabbling stuff together to sell at the CarBoot because I have NOT ENOUGH WEALTH.
So I truly pity the poor buggers either side of me - if the ones just above are judged 'wealthy' in monetary terms, the rich haven't as much money as I thought and the poverty stricken ones to the other - is anyone REEEALLY poverty stricken in this country? I class the families living in tin shacks on the Comic Relief videos as poverty stricken. I don't class people who spend all their money on drink and drugs who then have no money left to heat their homes as poverty stricken. They had the money in the first place. Choices people.
Ok, we pay do the mortgage and feed ourselves. All the bills are covered. But that's it. Not much to spare. Unlike many of the hyenas and their offspring at school, we do not go on holiday abroad at least once a year. ( I CHOOSE to holiday in the Great British Isles because I love it here. ) But it is a struggle to find the money for it. It's only thanks to being made redundant we finally got with it and have a shiny new flat screen TV, that these non working parents and series of 'uncles' have had for years. All the children seemed to have got Laptops and Tablets this year and that's as young as the seven year olds! I was erm 28 when we got our laptop!
Umm ok I am lucky compared to some. I am wealthy in other means - I was supported by two hardworking parents who had very little money but I had a good childhood which in turn has led me to be a successful parent I think! Girl child at Uni, boy child on way to Sixth Form. I'm digressing now - what IS enough wealth? Apparently £53 according to a lot of tweets right now- or not - depending on which side of the fence you sit.
"This youthful class group" is economically secure, without being well off - well the first bit is true. The last bit is a downright lie! Who the hell is secure these days?? We are always being told at work that money is tight. So I suppose security lasts for a month at a time in my house.
Anyway my Beloved Nanna taught me it was vulgar to discuss money and make personal remarks. So I will stop it!
I suppose I do have high scores for emerging culture, such as watching sport, going to gigs and using social media - without it I'd be Batsbyless! Emerging culture???? What numpty dreamt that phrase up?? Sport = the rugby. F1 and the Wimbledon men's final. Social media - well here I am! I am hooked on Twitter. Watching the above on TV is massively enhamced by it and the Olympics Opening ceremony was amazing! Of course I only follow highly entertaining people - which makes it! Facebook saved my life a few years ago as gave me something else to numb my brain with. yes, I played farmville. Planting cartoon carrots, asking people to send me cartoon nails to fix the cartoon shed roof . Also FB has put me back in touch with so many old chums and new friendships have been forged. Sure, there's enough cranks on there to sink a ship, but that is what the block button is for. At the moment - I barely go on because of the way they changed the layout and it's full of mindless " Like if you love your kids" memes. EEEEERRRRRGH I hate that word. Meme. Who the blinking flip made that one up too?
And Gigs. I would sell a kidney to go to a gig. I would sell the HG's kidney to go to a gig. If you are standing next to me at the bus stop, guard your kidneys. I have no qualms about using yours to pay for my gig habit. I know how to safely extract one. I watched it on the NHS programme on BBC 2. I can do it quite safely via keyhole surgery.
Seriously we decided that as things were tight ( see above) we would remain gigless for this year - and that includes my ultimate favourite band on Earth, Muse, who are touring and also The Killers. Old habits die hard and I was on the laptop the minutes they went on sale and for both gigs I had the tickets in my basket. The HG was no help. No willpower at all as he helpfully said,
"It's up to you dear."
Arrrgh I am a gig addict. It took a lot of steely determination to close the window and give up the tickets. Those tickets are like gold dust and I just let them go. *sobs*
They were a lot of money. We have a child at Uni who we are supporting. What if she needed us and we couldn't go becuase I'd spent the petrol money on a Muse ticket? ( On my shoulder the little devil was saying she'll be ok! ) So we are not going. I have my memories and photos of the last time I saw them. but the buzz and the adrenaline is so pulling! I have even not gone to see the very funny Josh Widdecome who played the theatre in town. ( OOh see I DO go to the theatre! ) Last time was to see Jenny Eclair! She was hilarious!
( I have been searching for Muse tickets everytime I go online a few times since! But I've never bought any. ) *sigh*
Giving up gigs is as hard as giving up crisps. Five weeks three days now in case anyone is keeping tabs.
"I do not tend to participate in highbrow culture, such as classical music and theatre" - no because it's poncy!! Except Grease the musical was top class! Does that count? I do own several Andrea Boccelli CDS. Also Jenny Eclair.
"People in this group are likely to come from a working class background" <<<< tru dat.
Many people in this group live in old manufacturing centres of the UK in the Midlands and North West
Again - it's almost as if they monitored my IP address and tailored it for me ergo I believe it all!
Now then as for the REAL class system devised by Mr B - I still maintain that I want to eat Swans. When will I be a Lucky f*cker? ( You must read the blog link above to understand this sentence! ) Warning - it contains the full version of the eff word! )
It's all a load of ball cocks anyway! As the late great Gloria Gaynor sang
I am what I am. What about you?
Go read it - go on - click the link and then come back. I'll be here waiting.
http://batsby.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/a-touch-of-class.html
Read it? Welcome back.
It's his best post so far!
So like he instructed - I took the test found on the BBC News website.
This is what I am .
According to the official and therefore it must be true test, I am newly affluent?! You what? It sounds like a hideous disease.
I am NOT averagely aged at 44 - cheeky bar stewards. Eternally 28 me.
Apparently I am sociable - I am - lots of friends!! But also I lean towards hermitdom.
I have lots of cultural interests ( like what Mr Test? ) and sit in the middle of all the groups in terms of wealth:I am sitting in the middle of a messy bedroom scrabbling stuff together to sell at the CarBoot because I have NOT ENOUGH WEALTH.
So I truly pity the poor buggers either side of me - if the ones just above are judged 'wealthy' in monetary terms, the rich haven't as much money as I thought and the poverty stricken ones to the other - is anyone REEEALLY poverty stricken in this country? I class the families living in tin shacks on the Comic Relief videos as poverty stricken. I don't class people who spend all their money on drink and drugs who then have no money left to heat their homes as poverty stricken. They had the money in the first place. Choices people.
Ok, we pay do the mortgage and feed ourselves. All the bills are covered. But that's it. Not much to spare. Unlike many of the hyenas and their offspring at school, we do not go on holiday abroad at least once a year. ( I CHOOSE to holiday in the Great British Isles because I love it here. ) But it is a struggle to find the money for it. It's only thanks to being made redundant we finally got with it and have a shiny new flat screen TV, that these non working parents and series of 'uncles' have had for years. All the children seemed to have got Laptops and Tablets this year and that's as young as the seven year olds! I was erm 28 when we got our laptop!
Umm ok I am lucky compared to some. I am wealthy in other means - I was supported by two hardworking parents who had very little money but I had a good childhood which in turn has led me to be a successful parent I think! Girl child at Uni, boy child on way to Sixth Form. I'm digressing now - what IS enough wealth? Apparently £53 according to a lot of tweets right now- or not - depending on which side of the fence you sit.
"This youthful class group" is economically secure, without being well off - well the first bit is true. The last bit is a downright lie! Who the hell is secure these days?? We are always being told at work that money is tight. So I suppose security lasts for a month at a time in my house.
Anyway my Beloved Nanna taught me it was vulgar to discuss money and make personal remarks. So I will stop it!
I suppose I do have high scores for emerging culture, such as watching sport, going to gigs and using social media - without it I'd be Batsbyless! Emerging culture???? What numpty dreamt that phrase up?? Sport = the rugby. F1 and the Wimbledon men's final. Social media - well here I am! I am hooked on Twitter. Watching the above on TV is massively enhamced by it and the Olympics Opening ceremony was amazing! Of course I only follow highly entertaining people - which makes it! Facebook saved my life a few years ago as gave me something else to numb my brain with. yes, I played farmville. Planting cartoon carrots, asking people to send me cartoon nails to fix the cartoon shed roof . Also FB has put me back in touch with so many old chums and new friendships have been forged. Sure, there's enough cranks on there to sink a ship, but that is what the block button is for. At the moment - I barely go on because of the way they changed the layout and it's full of mindless " Like if you love your kids" memes. EEEEERRRRRGH I hate that word. Meme. Who the blinking flip made that one up too?
And Gigs. I would sell a kidney to go to a gig. I would sell the HG's kidney to go to a gig. If you are standing next to me at the bus stop, guard your kidneys. I have no qualms about using yours to pay for my gig habit. I know how to safely extract one. I watched it on the NHS programme on BBC 2. I can do it quite safely via keyhole surgery.
Seriously we decided that as things were tight ( see above) we would remain gigless for this year - and that includes my ultimate favourite band on Earth, Muse, who are touring and also The Killers. Old habits die hard and I was on the laptop the minutes they went on sale and for both gigs I had the tickets in my basket. The HG was no help. No willpower at all as he helpfully said,
"It's up to you dear."
Arrrgh I am a gig addict. It took a lot of steely determination to close the window and give up the tickets. Those tickets are like gold dust and I just let them go. *sobs*
They were a lot of money. We have a child at Uni who we are supporting. What if she needed us and we couldn't go becuase I'd spent the petrol money on a Muse ticket? ( On my shoulder the little devil was saying she'll be ok! ) So we are not going. I have my memories and photos of the last time I saw them. but the buzz and the adrenaline is so pulling! I have even not gone to see the very funny Josh Widdecome who played the theatre in town. ( OOh see I DO go to the theatre! ) Last time was to see Jenny Eclair! She was hilarious!
( I have been searching for Muse tickets
Giving up gigs is as hard as giving up crisps. Five weeks three days now in case anyone is keeping tabs.
"I do not tend to participate in highbrow culture, such as classical music and theatre" - no because it's poncy!! Except Grease the musical was top class! Does that count? I do own several Andrea Boccelli CDS. Also Jenny Eclair.
"People in this group are likely to come from a working class background" <<<< tru dat.
Many people in this group live in old manufacturing centres of the UK in the Midlands and North West
Again - it's almost as if they monitored my IP address and tailored it for me ergo I believe it all!
Now then as for the REAL class system devised by Mr B - I still maintain that I want to eat Swans. When will I be a Lucky f*cker? ( You must read the blog link above to understand this sentence! ) Warning - it contains the full version of the eff word! )
It's all a load of ball cocks anyway! As the late great Gloria Gaynor sang
I am what I am. What about you?
Labels:
Batsby,
BBC,
Facebook,
gigs,
Jenny Eclair,
Meme,
Muse,
Poverty,
Social classes,
Social media,
the Killers,
twitter,
wealth
Monday 1 April 2013
Easter in the Kitchen. Many Photos!
Hey folks!
How are you all? Having a lovely long weekend I hope. I ADORE long weekends. Especially those where I don't have to go to work straight after them! Now you know I love my job. I doooo. But I love the holidays more!
So Friday we went out for the day. Saturday too. It was nice on Sunday to have a day of pottering. The HG took the offspring off out into the weak Spring Sunshine and they blitzed the garden. I can now go peg out without having to run a Krypton Factoresque gauntlet, with washing over one shoulder and a handful of pegs in the other! Anyway
I spent most of my day in my kitchen. I baked and made stuff. I'm going to tell you and show you here!
Firstly. Crumpets. I have no idea why I wanted to make them. Having now made them, I'm not sure if I 'll want to for a long time. Maybe if ALL I'm making is crumpets I'll consider it.
So here are the photos a step at a time!
So the downfall I discovered is that they take a good 7 - 10 minutes each in the rings to cook. Which is fine if you've not been on your feet all day making other stuff. Also I am a brat when it comes to making pancakes. I HATE being told what to do by eggs, flour and milk! You have to be patient with them yet speedy! I am sure the last one I made did not rise or was as holey as the first one I made. Tasted fine! So I reckon I made a batch of 20 crumpets for about 50p all in. Not bad.
BUT I also made some Easter Nest cakes. Chocolate - melted. Shredded Wheat - crumbled. Mixture - stirred. Mini Eggs - adorned.
Beef in Ale for pie - Cubes of beef skirt - coated in seasoned flour and flash fried. A red onion, three banana shallots and two carrots - sauteed. Put the lot in a casserole with half a bottle of Ale and some good stock plus a tspn of Marmite. Cook for aaaaages. The puff pastry took me ages. Those packets are really tricky to get open!
Sand Cake - absolutely NO calories in this whatsoever - from my new book that I got from the bookman at school - billy bargain five quid! Me and Beryl worked hard to combine all the diet ingredients together! I used a diet frosting recipe, Double cream, white chocolate, butter and icing sugar topped off with a diet jelly thingy from the doctors. Dr Oetkers.
I also worried I'd not spent enough time in the kitchen so soft floury baps were born.
Less than 24 hours later and a lot of it has gone. I could weep! Not to mind! I might make some fairy cakes later. We make fairy cakes in this house - not cupcakes!
I'll post some more pics here just to make your computer lag a bit more.I am making them small as possible. I'm not in the least bit sorry! I am also off to read some other blogs too. Now that I have the freedom and the time! I'll be back tomorrow with a story all about The Lord Of The Rings.
Photos .....
How are you all? Having a lovely long weekend I hope. I ADORE long weekends. Especially those where I don't have to go to work straight after them! Now you know I love my job. I doooo. But I love the holidays more!
So Friday we went out for the day. Saturday too. It was nice on Sunday to have a day of pottering. The HG took the offspring off out into the weak Spring Sunshine and they blitzed the garden. I can now go peg out without having to run a Krypton Factoresque gauntlet, with washing over one shoulder and a handful of pegs in the other! Anyway
I spent most of my day in my kitchen. I baked and made stuff. I'm going to tell you and show you here!
Firstly. Crumpets. I have no idea why I wanted to make them. Having now made them, I'm not sure if I 'll want to for a long time. Maybe if ALL I'm making is crumpets I'll consider it.
This recipe is from my trusty Mary Berry Cookery bible that I've had for YEARS. I just made one quantity. |
12 oz of strong bread flour? Don't mind if I do! |
Put in bowl. Check. Cover. Check. Wait! |
OOOH! It's all got big and frothy! |
I had washed my hands! |
Here goes! |
Oh dear I think I added too much batter to the ring. |
Wait - somethings happening! |
It's beginning to look a lot like a crumpet! |
Ta DAAAH! First one done. |
Getting cocky now - two at a time! |
It took a few attempts to work out times/heats/amounts to pour in. I made a slightly thinner lot and some hefty cousins! |
The boy had one with butter and one with butter and jam |
Six had gone already - had to quickly take a photo before the rest went! |
One of these is mine, one of them is a shop bought Warburtons. Neither have been toasted yet. Which one would you choose? |
BUT I also made some Easter Nest cakes. Chocolate - melted. Shredded Wheat - crumbled. Mixture - stirred. Mini Eggs - adorned.
Beef in Ale for pie - Cubes of beef skirt - coated in seasoned flour and flash fried. A red onion, three banana shallots and two carrots - sauteed. Put the lot in a casserole with half a bottle of Ale and some good stock plus a tspn of Marmite. Cook for aaaaages. The puff pastry took me ages. Those packets are really tricky to get open!
Sand Cake - absolutely NO calories in this whatsoever - from my new book that I got from the bookman at school - billy bargain five quid! Me and Beryl worked hard to combine all the diet ingredients together! I used a diet frosting recipe, Double cream, white chocolate, butter and icing sugar topped off with a diet jelly thingy from the doctors. Dr Oetkers.
I also worried I'd not spent enough time in the kitchen so soft floury baps were born.
Less than 24 hours later and a lot of it has gone. I could weep! Not to mind! I might make some fairy cakes later. We make fairy cakes in this house - not cupcakes!
I'll post some more pics here just to make your computer lag a bit more.I am making them small as possible. I'm not in the least bit sorry! I am also off to read some other blogs too. Now that I have the freedom and the time! I'll be back tomorrow with a story all about The Lord Of The Rings.
Photos .....
Healthy wholewheat goodness! |
Zero Calories here - look away - nothing to see! |
Rolled out by my own fair hands! Again thoroughly washed clean hands. |
Best beef in ale I have ever made! |
Last but not least. HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO I GET PAST LEVEL 65??????? THREE WEEKS I'VE BEEN AT IT!!! |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)