Saturday 21 January 2012

Sandwiches, School and Socks. In that order.


Well, I have just had what is possibly my favourite sandwich ever.

2 slices soft white bread
huge blob butter
half a knife blade of marmite.

1. Spread butter thickly on bread
2. And here is the magic! Open your brand new jar of marmite put some on your knife and spread onto the thick butter making it go marbley. What??? It's how I like it.
3. Don't cut in half, don't bother with a plate.
Just eat it.
Unfortunately I cannot show you what this looks like because it didn't last right long.

Here is my Ode To Marmite

What must not be hid
'Neath this yellow lid
Black Glass
Shiny Black Glass conceals
and contains such shadowy treasure
which yields only pleasure to it's captor.
Black ink is the night,  Swirling Black gold
 will delight as you Break open the seal, you smell
the reveal of the shiny black well, full of warm
 velvety smoothness like the mole. In slashes
the silver and draws out the mesmerising
glistening entrails, leaving a serpent
on the surface.

HA written in 5 minutes and can't you tell?!! Still I like it! Marmite mmmmmm.


I've now been back at work for two weeks. Week one was Monday, Tuesday and Thurday mornings. week two was Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday morning.

It was a bit strange as my brain still hasn't caught up with the rest of me, and those close to me do know my fears as I laughingly joke about early onset dementia. Before the whole
Gallstone - Blocked Bile Duct - Jaundice - ERCP - Stent - Blocked stent - EMERGENCY ERCP - Pancreatitis - 10 day stay in hospital - Jaundice - Gall bladder Removal palava I was quite forgetful at home, but at work I knew where anything was, could remember pupils' names, could find things blindfolded. However, going back and it's like I never set foot in the place before!

Despite this - I LOVE it being back at work. I'm like Mama Bear returning to her cave to protect my lil cubs. What did shock me was though the level of exhaustion it leaves me with! Seriously tired out! But I have two week left of part time ( Which dear reader I am VERY VERY FOND OF ) then half term then back to my full time job as if nothing ever happened! Nothing funny happened at work - or if it did, then I'm sorry but I've forgotten!!!


I have embarked on a new knitting project. Operation Socks. It's something I've wanted to do for a while now and those of you on Twitter will have been kept up to date by my #socksofar tweets.

Here are some photos of my efforts thus far.

Here is how it all began.......

Then I cast on, spread out my sitches and tried to get going. It's quite tricky and my fingers became thumbs and I got a little muddled as you can see by the cuff - but I'm leaving it like that as these socks are actually for ME and I'll remember the swear words that lovingly went into making them.

I was getting the hang of it

Then I just followed the pattern. It amazingly simple really.
It also blows my mind how the wool knows how to come out in a pattern! It's like magic!!

So I kept going until I was read for the HEEL FLAP

So here I was was knitting the flappy bit. Please note the shocking state of my nails are all all part n parcel of my illness. You see when I was actually gravely ill my body went into toxic shock and at such times closes off hair and nails production. So whilst I lost my hair rather dramatically, my nails kinda looked a little ridgey in the middle between the healthy growth and the bit when I was ill is now at the tip and my nails are breaking and snapping and cracking. The Joys of Jaundice.

Then the next bit required 5 needles. I only had 4, I had to improvise with a stitch holder!

It looks more complicated than it was!

********RUDE WORD SPOILER *************

The schoolboy in me cannot help but snigger at the next set of instructions! Those of a nervous disposition should look away now! And now I am going to go get on with this sock, hopefully will get it finished today...

This is where I am up to now Saturday 21st January 2012

My friend's little boy is one in a couple of weeks and I'm going to knit him a wee arran jumper - so I need to get a move on!
That's quite enough of me rambling on and on so thank you for listening!

Wednesday 11 January 2012

RIIIIGHT, Here is the freebie read!

OK I am back to normal.
Post two is about my neighbours and their demon child. No not THAT side - he is for another day - but the ones on that side ( nods head in general dirction so you are clear on whom I'm about to pull to bits ).

Mum and Dad are lovely, friendly folk. We chat over the fence. We smiled and said it was OK as night after night after night after night after night after night after night often till 11pm he banged, sawed, hammered, drilled, drilled a bit more and drilled a bit more as he renovated their house.
I also feel the need to emphasise that boisterous play is important, all play is, but quiet times are important too for learning different skills. I know I joke about being a Victorian Mama , but I just re read through this and it sounded like I think children should be strapped I to straight jackets and not allowed to speak! Also, I am not exaggerating anything really in what you are about to read. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Well they had a baaaayyyyybi. ( The mum is from Liverpool - this is how she pronounces it)
Dad is a fireman ( he works on Ugly watch ) and mum has her own Ballet Dancing school so her working hours tend to be 2pm till 8 - 9pm.

( I need to mention also that he is a tight as fuck when it comes to money etc)

so anyway she worked right up til her waters broke practically ( he said they won't have any money as she works for herself - don't mention the fact they have two other houses that they rent out and he is on really good money and drives a fancy car - LOL o how the other half live ) anyway! baaaaayyyyybih Jayyyyymih was born and brought home.
Then mum returned to work quite soon and Dad and his parents looked after him. I'm not kidding whenver I saw the baby he was always being given what I deem high velocity attention. Everything was always fast and furious and dad worked his arse off to highly entertain this child.

Round about his first birthday was when I was often asked for my advice on he won't eat or sleep stuff. I said then how routine was important. Offer different foods etc. Mealtimes calm and eat at the table etc..It ain't rocket science)

What was happening was mum would go to work about 4pm. Dad would race J round the garden, fling him up in the air, play football ( this is ALL the kid would do ) kick the ball - and have boistrous play fighting kind of play. Now I know this is making me sound like some grumpy old woman ( I am) and a kind of know it all ( again .... I AM!)    JaaaayyymiH would only eat chips ( WHO IS IT THAT IS ONLY FEEDING HIM CHIPS ??????? then they would keep him up till Mummy came home 8.30 - 9.30 pm where mummy would play with him, they would go for walks in the summer.
Mr Radio and I would just look at one another and raise our eyebrows as we knew !!
Then the nightly battle of the Somme would begin and boy has that little chappie got a massive voice.

Again - dad would say to me over the fence - what can we do - he won't go to bed. I would suggest - tactically without saying because it's your fault - that a good routine was needed, tea, bath quiet time book and sleep. Leave him to cry. It would be hard but eventually it will work.
The problem was that poor J didn't know HOW to be alone or HOW to be quiet. He doesn't play with toys - he has the attention span of his dad! His dad wooshed him from one activity to the the next! I could hear Jaaayyymi's nana try to get him to look at the book and then Dad would come and whisk him away!!! Honest! I would be EXHAUSTED just listening to the play ( if you could call it that) when I was sat in the sun all yellow.

Well, just as I suspected, when baby number two came along, suddenly JaaayyyymiH was expected to now suddenly go to bed and do as he was told! SHOCK. It was a shock to little J!!

Mum still works the same hours. I don't know what they do with him in the daytime - but O my word is she struggling with the whirling dervish they created! She has two kiddos now, she is knackered when she gets in from work. She wants to sit down, eat  her tea not play football in the house wit Jaaayyymih . He should be in bed. ( I know this for a fact because I've heard her screaming it at the dad)

I did tweet once about how midst tantrum she was shouting " Calm down calm down"
( UK viewers again will know this relates to a harry Enfield Sketch making sweeping generalisations about people from Liverpool)

The last few weeks it has beem worse. J is three now. I think they honestly expected him to naturally start to behave. The baby has started crying more - he is I think about 7 months old, I think he can sense he is in a fraught environment. I have heard her really lay the law down to J, then Dad come and undermine her and give in to hom, then THEY have a row and doors are slammed. It's regularly 9, 10 oclock every night when the screaming is about him going to bed.

Up to now, we've smiled and lied through our teeth when we say no, it's ok we don't hear a thing....BUT

I have a super stressed out doing her A Levels 17 year old who is saying that the screaming next door is beginning to affect her and it is waking her in the night. What should/could I do?

They ignored any suggestions I have offered ( INCLUDING ACTUALLY RINGING SUPERNANNY ) .

What the fuck do I know? ( Insert facts about raising two children of my own, two years full time study of early years childhood , child pyschology, 18 years working in all sorts of different educational settings including numerous 'special needs' environments )

Well I am in no way the world's greatest parent, I do know all children are different. My two were exceptionally placid lovely babies. Sure they had toddler tantrums which I dealy swiftly and expertly ( LOL ) with. But I made sure RIGHT from the start that any time after 7pm was ME time. So when they obviously were not tiny babies. It would be tea at 4 - 5pm. quiet play. bath at 6.30 then story nurse and bed to fall asleep on their own. Yes both went through the screaming blue muder stage. I did the 'go to them, say nothing, lay them down sit at the door thing '( I can't think what it's real name is ) and yes it was a tough few nights but I was determined. I have two beautiful well adjusted children.

As far as I know - they have not asked for medical advice ( I do not for one minute think he is Autistic ) ( Again - I AM qualified in recognising aspects of this before you all start) PLUS I PREDICT that when he starts school those dreaded 4 letters will be bandied about BY THE PARENTS.  

It's still not too late for then to start to help J to calm down and get into a good sleep routine but I don't think they will. Last night Mum was SCREECHING at him to SHUT UP SHUT UP - he was yelling back NO I WON'T , they are always YELLING empty threats and the none stop SHOUTING is dreadful. It doesn't work. Also hearing your mum and dad shouting about you in front of you can only be a negative thing - I'll give you a for example.
She was shouting at J for whatever, he cam ein asking what was all the noise, she explained, he obviously thought she was in the wrong, gave in to J and then shouted at her for all the shouting. She then said don't you EVER DARE TO TELL ME OFF IN FRONT OF HIM AGAIN . SLAM. ( it's a good job he did all that drilling - the doors need strong fixings. )
Honestly - what didyou lot do when you were getting raared at? I used to turn off! ( Yes - I did get raared at - I wasn't a perfect child!!! )

I repeat they are lovely people, He is a cutie pie but they do him and themselves no favours at all.

He is like a before on a Jo Frost programme.

Tuesday 10 January 2012


( That's Read One Get One Free)
I have left it so inexcusibly long between posts that I have much to say and I had ideas for LOADS of rambly old nonsensey bloggy posts ( now forgotten but they  probably only served to satistfy myself!)

So I say you Read one, you read one free, I say you read one, you read one free. ( Only UK viewers who have seen the SAFESTYLE windows adverts will understand that! ) Unless...( interrupts typing to go on Youtube) Time 16:14

16:16 wow that was quick! Now my international readers can share the brainwashing effect of this advert. Please note that although this man is Northern, he sounds nowt like me!.

Sooo first up heeeeeeres HARRY.
Little Cherub on his first Birthday
So January The 8th 2013 was a very special day indeedy. Little Harry Thomas turned one year old. Also he was baptised in a gorgeous old church
by a stern 'ooo matron'  kind of Vicar of Dibly lady vicar, and he stole the hearts of everyone.

 His mama had (quite rightly ) banned any mention of BRB and the C word so Harry was this day not defined by anything other than being the splendid little chap that he is.

Now I know relatives are biased but he really is the most gorgeous little boy. He was as good as gold all day.
My best moment, apart from being Godmother, was when the whole church sang Happy Birthday to him; Lisa held him up and I swear he knew he was the star of the show and he gave the most heart melty smile ever!. Then we all had lovely cups of tea and William cutely snaffled about 7 biscuits off the nice grandmas.

Then Off T'Tpub for a party!. Harry obligingly smiled and gurgled and snuggled without complaint. Had some lovely lunch - although Lisa did warn people not to squeeze him too tightly afterwards as she didn't want his sweet potato and carrot surprise being cascaded down his lovely white outfit! ( I LOVE rites of passages )
He then slept like a baby whilst the other three angels stepped in to entertain to gathering and the older cousins took charge whilst the adults stuffed their faces with the delicious spread...


OK Here I am next day to quickly finish off this post as Lisa is comig to see me VERY soon!

This is a photo taken over 100 years ago and do you know what? It is EXACTLY the same! Except the grass is green these days.
The pub we wet to was lovely and old-  see above ( Do you sense a theme here?) The food was divine! £12 a head! Twelve frigging quid a head! It was nice but not sure it was worth that! Here is a selection of what made it down my oesaphagus. Hot saucy chicken, butties with coleslaw in them, salady stuff, posh fish fingers ( and by that I don't mean Birds Eye ones I mean real fish cut up by real hands dipped in real batter and fried in a real fryer ), french fries & some potato salad. I didn't have egg sandwiches, giant potato wedges, smoked salmon or quiche, sausage rolls and ketchup! Not a pork pie in sight. I thought this was a right of passage. I thought it was the LAW to have pork pie at such occasions.  It was lovely. Most of the £12 probably went on the arty farty slate tiles they were served on. My dad suggested we each take one home so I could repair my outside toilet roof! Unfortunately I was the only one with a bag big enough. Only one would fit. Besides stealing is WRONG.
I also had two glasses of delicious Baileys as I'd been craving some all Christmas and I didn't have any in!

It was a lovely relaxed afternoon. A very special, lovely day for very special, lovely people. :)

A lot of the day myself, Lisa and Mr D were doing a lot of
" This time last year....."
You can read all about the birthing etc in earlier posts.

Being at the birth of my two nephews ( Harry's older brother William was my first foray into midwifery! ) was the most magical but most heart wrenching thing at the same time. I was glad I was there for Lisa, I was incredibly lucky and touched to have been asked. If she does change her mind and does it again - then so will I.

I don't know if I can write it - eyes prickling now) but to see those little heads making their way into the world, then that baby being handed to his mama, reminded me of my little baby being shown to me. That sweet little  perfect angel born too soon and the lovely nurse saying Oh Rachel in that voice is the moment that I replay over and over sometimes at three and four in the morning when I can't sleep.

O gosh, can'y see to type....

Sorry - I just had a moment there. Pulled myself together now. Locked it all away again. I HATE when it sneaks through like that and takes my breath away with the force it does.

I'll sign off now - this post was about Harry's happy day. I will keep everything in because I wrote it out. I'll be fine xx