It's chucked it down all day here which, given the Baltic conditions I walked home in last night, or should that be early hours of today, was a surprise! We dressed up to the nines, me with my skin tight frock on and drag queen make up, him with his full dinner suit complete with bow tie. The magick knickery I had going on was an amazing feat of engineering. Indeed the elastic was that strong, the HG had to snap me into them, much in the same way I used to jiggle a toddler Miss 23 into her tights by holding the waistband on either side and lifting her off her feet to drop her into the tights! He pulled them up just so after wiggling and yanking them as much as he could, tucking them under my bra band at the back because my shoulders and my T-Rex arms couldn't reach around that far! It's all about the romance at our house!!!! And once I was in them that was it!
We set off down the ginnel. It was icy so I changed into my trainers I'd popped into my handbag. Only they made it ten times worse! Totally the wrong grip. I was sliding around but with a beautifully straight back and flat stomach!!! Can you imagine if I slipped and broke a hip? And the ambulance crew tried to cut me out of my clothes??? The ricochet effect would be very dangerous for all concerned!!!!
We got to our hosts and enjoyed a traditional Burns Night Supper. We all played our part. The haggiswas piped in and stabbed with a silver sword in the appropriate place in the poem. We had neeps and tatties ( and tons of broccoli as we are ALL now on SW in our friendship group!! ) we toasted the lassies and the laddies. I read the poem To a Mouse. Which is long and full of hard to pronounce words! It was just really good fun. It's an annual thing that our friends host even though none of us are actually Scottish! It was gone 2am when we left to walk the usual 6 minutes at most walk home. Except it was -5C and the hard frost had got worse and it was a total ice rink all the way home. I kept my heels on because the stiletto actually was anchoring me down! It took us 25 minutes to gingerly make it home! I was wide awake when we got in so we watched a Corrie and chatted about the evening. Although the FIRST thing I did was to get the hell out of my undergarments!
I woke up at 7 and could not get back to sleep so of course I'm going be utterly knackered all week. No hangover for me though as I'd stuck to diet tonic all night!
Right I'm going to go do a few more bits and bobs before bed. I can't believe it's work again so soon! I'm going to Young Voices on Wednesday and I'm really looking forward to it. I loved it last time. Although this year, the security rules are ( quite rightly but stable door an all ) very strict and it's going to be tricksy getting a packed lunch and tea into a bag smaller than an A3 piece of paper!
Ok, I'll leave you with the first verse of my poem I read.
Lots of love from
Rachel *loving all the comments on the blog lately* Radiostar xxx
To a Mouse
BY ROBERT BURNS
On Turning up in Her Nest with the Plough, November, 1785
Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie,
O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi’ bickerin brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee
Wi’ murd’ring pattle!
But it's not Burns nicht, the nicht! Is it? or have I got my dates all wrong?!
ReplyDeleteThe thought of you pinging around in your elastic foundation garments has got me in hysterics. Violet keeps asking me 'what are you laughing at?'. I am not telling her!!
xx
No, she needs shielding from the harsh realities of being a middle aged woman for a long as possible!! You were not wrong - we were a week early!
DeleteI'm laughing my socks off here. I used to pop Beth's little tights on in the same way, bless her! I'm gkad you had a great evening, despite the knicker tribulations!
ReplyDeleteJ x
It was a great evening xx
DeleteI'm well accustomed to jiggling a small person into her tights - the manoeuvre was performed just yesterday. This post had me laughing out loud. I'm glad you enjoyed your evening and were able to make it home in one piece.
ReplyDeleteDo I assume you got the poem to read because you hadn't been drinking? X
We all have poems and speeches to do! I think mine might have been better had I had a wee dram or five!
DeleteWhen I woke up this morning, opened the curtains and saw another grey day, horrible rain, just dull, dull, dull, just like yesterday, the house is gloomy, everywhere is gloomy. Then I read your brilliant post, laughing with you, you always make me smile, thanks Rach, just what I needed.
ReplyDeleteAwww Thank you Marlene, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
DeleteOh my how funny. Just think if you had not been on SW programme your good man would not have been able to haul you up and shake you into your amazing under-garment but now you have lost so much avoir dupois he can Yay! Good for you. I went to a dinner and dance a couple of years ago wearing such a similar torture garment and I could not use the loo all night, I thought I would explode by the time we went home. It was such a delight to be able to sit on the loo, I am easily pleased. I love a bit of Rabbie Burns not that I understand half of it but thank you for quoting. Hope you have a good week. Regards Sue H xx
ReplyDeleteI didn't go to the loo either all night so the walk home was torturous as I was trying to cross the ice with legs crossed!
DeleteOh My Goodness, you have made me laugh. The hold it all in pants in particular had me snorting. I hope you read the poem with the appropriate accent to make the words properly ring out? xx
ReplyDeleteI tried with the accent but Inended up sounding like an Italian living in India!
DeleteYes, another mummy who hoiked her child into her tights-she seldom wears them nowadays as I think she is still traumatised. I wore one of those garments to said daughter's wedding and didn’t go to the toilet for 12 hous as I couldn’t think how I would get them up again. Soon be half term. Catriona
ReplyDeleteI didn't not go to the loo all night either - bladder was at bursting point on way home!
DeleteI could do with a pair of those undercrackers, it would keep me way from the teapot. An excellent post that had me laughing out loud.
ReplyDeleteI could not imagine you Pam, with less tea!!
DeleteI bought a pair or "sculpture" tights to wear at a posh do. Managed to get them over my kankles but fat knees prevented any further progress. I couldn't get them up or down at that point. After much laughing then swearing I had to cut myself out of them with a pair of nail scissors which were the only thing at hand.
ReplyDeleteThey are the strongest things on earth I swear!!! Laughing at this Sal!! Sorry!
DeleteOh my goodness Rachel. I have the weakest bladder known to man and all I can think while reading this is "how did you get your kecks up and down when you went to the loo or did you not go!" xx
ReplyDeleteI did not go! Noted to self to add a Tena lady next time I get winched into them!
Delete2AM? Ah, enjoy your youth while you can! :-)
ReplyDeleteI know most of your expressions from my English husband but "set off down the ginnel"- I had to look that one up!
You are so funny, I have T-Rex arms too!
T Rex arms are the pitts. The ginnel is just what we call around here the back alley and side snickers through the terraced houses we live in x
Delete*snickets
DeleteCan't breathe in tight undergarments...shame! x
ReplyDelete