This is it.
She's making me so sad. Sad because she really will leave my house on Thursday for good. Yes she'll visit but this is it. She's going. Moving out for real. I'll be honest. I'm not coping.
I have been laughing it off with my 'can't wait for my craft room ' banter but I'd give it up in a heartbeat. Oh to turn the clocks back.
*puts on that Abba song that Meryl Streep sings in Mamma Mia* Slipping through my fingers. Ya know for added drama llama sympathy.
Even writing this is making me sob! I don't know if it's harder because she's not going to be just round the corner. She's going to be three hours drive away. Permanently. Not just at uni. Not just staying at the beaus. Not just on the other side of the world for eight weeks. They are moving to Gateshead. I don't care about the way I've brought up a smart, balanced, gorgeous, warm hearted, kind, loving, sweet beautiful girl, perfectly equipped for grown up life in a grown up world. I don't even care she's 21 and a half! She's frankly TOO YOUNG AND NEEDS TO STAY WITH HER MAMA!
And you lot can quit with the Miss Havisham scenarios!
Since she's been back from NZ, her and the beau have been slowly emptying her room and filling my dining room with boxes and stuff. You can tell she's here because I'm finding bobbles and hair grips everywhere ( usually left to give rusty marks on the bathroom surfaces ), the loo roll gets used up at an alarming rate, the kitchen is being taken over and the fridge emptied and my towel cupboard is empty. I'm not even getting mad about this! The piles of stuff in the dining room is reminiscent of getting ready to take her to uni just minutes ago. I was a blubbering wreck too then if you remember! In amongst those boxes of dinner sets, cushions, pegs, kitchen utensils are snippets of her childhood. Her teddies, her twilight posters, books, daft souvenirs she's kept from holidays.
I can barely see to type through big fat snotty tears. Crying silently so she doesn't hear. She's so excited to set up her new house. His family have been there decorating and cleaning it for them. The HG and I are doing our bit by buying them bits n bobs for the flat. I cried yesterday when I ordered her some new fitted sheets! I am an emotional wreck!
I know lots of you lovely lot have grown up children and have been through this, and survived. BUT I DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT.
They are off to Berlin today around lunchtime. I'll probably Be Brave until then and then try not to alarm Mr 18 by going all out wailing banshee on him. The HG has taken himself off fishing - to ( I think ) avoid any *scenes*. They'll be back Thursday. Then they'll try and pack as much as they can into the beau's little mini and they'll be off.
( We are taking the rest next weekend, and probably every subsequent visit for three years! She has a lot of stuff - including the telescope that's been in my room for ever! That's one thing in not sorry to see go. Think Hubble - it's that big! )
Right I'm going to get up and busy myself with some baking, laundry and back to back episodes of the Walking Dead and knitting.
I need to quit bawling. And get a grip! *Mentally slaps face saying snap out of it!*
I know this much:
Mr 18 needs to man up and get ready for some extreme mothering.
Think I'm gonna need more of these...
Lots of love from
Rachel *They don't tell you this in the baby books* Radiostar xxx
Oh Chick, you know you'll get used to it but it's horrid right now. Sending you lots of love and tissues xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I especially appreciate the love but probably the tissues more!! X
DeleteHugs xx
ReplyDeleteJo, it's horrible * hugs back and clings on *
DeleteOh bless I've got this to come. I have asked Lou if he could turn out weird and live with his mum for the rest of his life. Thank goodness he refuses!!!! x
ReplyDeleteWhen this happens to you ( and it will ) you'll remember my post!!
DeleteAlso think Norman Bates!!! Xxx
Oh Bless You Rachel...I also have this to come. Sending you lots of love and hugs. I'm sure things will feel better soon when you get used to it...Think about this wonderful young woman that you have guided through life to this point and as you say is now perfectly equipped for grown up life. Be proud of yourself...Huge Hugs Debbie xx
ReplyDeleteThank you! I need to get a grip!! Xx
DeleteYes, it's horrible and yes, it will get better but that's absolutely no help right now. I hated my two moving out and cried buckets on the quiet. It wasn't just them but my daughter DARED to take my beloved grandson with her too!
ReplyDeleteFor ages I was looking for them, listening for them, expecting to see them in the room and realising that I wouldn't. It was devastating. You invest in them for so long, live much of your life for them and then off they go, seeminmgly without a backward glance.
It takes ages but then, one day, you realise that your life has changed and actually it's not too bad. You have somewhere else to visit where you know you will be well spoilt. You have room for other things. The relationships have changed and, actually, they are better.
But it does take time and I am weeping for you.
Much love
J xxx
Thank you Joy xxx
DeleteTry to focus on the visits, the countryside is lovely up there. Mind you enjoy the sobbing it is therapeutic. Chocolate, Walking Dead and knitting sounds very good to me.
ReplyDeleteIt was much needed Pam - just sans chocolate- am trying to be thin!
DeleteI don't think my eldest will ever leave home.
ReplyDeleteYoungest left about seven years ago and I still miss him being here although he was a pain up the backside for pretty much most of his life.....bless him. However he has given me a lovely daughter in law and a wonderful grandaughter so I'll forgive him.
You'll get used to it eventually but you will never stop missing her being at home....and why should you.
Sending you gentle hugs-x-
Wise words taken on board thank you xx
DeleteIt's horrible, you love her and she get's on your nerves in equal measures, but the thought of her going so far away(well it's not a pop to location after work), but then things settle down, the 18 one will go as well. Then you will have your time with HG (is that for Hairy Guy, that's what I always think)and you will enjoy seeing your young adults doing so well in the world. You can start having time together as a couple.
ReplyDeleteLOL no HG stands for Hunter Gatherer!! We actually do loads of couple stuff as Mr 18 often declines our offers to take him with us on our days out! Ungrateful wretch!!
DeleteI'm feeling much better about it all now I've got it off my chest! It's completely normal, expected and I'll be fine - that's the message I'm getting from you and all my lovely commenters xx
Aww Rachel I'm sat here shedding a tear with you. If Amy does the same thing I've only got her for another 5 years and how quickly will that go! The Abba song reduces me to tears every time I hear it and sometimes just to inflict pain on myself I'll actually put it on of my own accord.
ReplyDeleteThree of us left home within a couple of years and Mum didn't cope very well with it at all; I don't think you're alone in how you're feeling. As you say, for all the banter, it's a big wrench and I totally get the added misery of her being a 3 hour drive away. When mine go I have visions of them living near me and popping in for coffee and a chat etc. but it's not always the case is it. xx
Well when it's your turn, I'll be here for you too! I'll probably be fine now. I cannot see 3/4 of my dining room floor at the moment. This bit I could probably skip!
DeleteI really feel for you, Rachel...I've cried my eyes out (and given myself a migraine) each time one of mine moved out. So that's 5 times, and I do so miss my girls who live across the country from us. But...don't be so very sure it's forever. All but my oldest have moved back home again for short periods of time, and then I've had to go through the whole moving out thing again for a second time. And I still have my boys living at home even though they have both flown the nest once already. Hugs to you, and all the best to your daughter. Love, Helen xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Helen! Your comment had me tearing up again!! I don't know how you managed to keep sane with five going! X
DeleteI'm thinking of you and sending hugs it's not easy I know from experience, I know nothing I will say is going to make a difference but chocolate helps. :) xxx
ReplyDeleteI know I'll survive! I'm leaning on you all Linda! And chocolate!
DeletePlease give my commiserations to Mr 18. The poor sod...
ReplyDelete:o)
I am soothed by your commiserations Mr B ;-)
DeleteSounds like shit.
ReplyDeleteMore cake?
XXXXX
It is shit! Love more cake! X
DeleteCake it shall be then. *passes cake*
DeleteAnd onward and upward to being the MiL that's "Only here for a few days" "Just visiting" and "I don't want to intrude...but" ;o)
Our toilet roll consumption went down by at least 200%. The wash loads are few and far between and the food bill a lot less. Big step but a start of a whole new chapter for you and DH.
ReplyDeletexx
I'm still clinging onto Mr18! It's funny how time just gets away with you! She was just a baby yesterday!
DeleteSending you love PennyLxxxx
ReplyDeleteAwww thank you Penny xxx
DeleteChin up lass, it'll be fine you'll see x
ReplyDeleteIndeed it will!
DeleteI feel for you. I hate it when Laura goes on a school trip fr a few days. Goodness knows what I'll be like when she moves out. I would be hiding little love notes in her boxes. I hade them in Laura's pj pocket, jeans jackets.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs (())
Carolx
Awww Carol, maybe she'll never leave!!!
DeletePoor you, I think this post gives me a vision of exactly how I will be when Flo is old enough to move out. I do like that you planned to console yourself with back to back episodes of The Walking Dead. Nothing like a bit of zombie horror to lift the spirits!
ReplyDeleteI think we have to accept the inevitable and try our best!!!
DeleteBless you Rachel. I'm sure you'll be fine. Don't you realise now is the time to return all those 'favours'? Visit - lots. Get her to make the coffee, wash pots, clear up, take you out for lunch etc.etc. and for goodness sake make sure you resist the urge to run the vacuum around and of course leave the bathroom a mess and put your feet up on the furniture. :-D x
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! Actually she was good at hoovering. I won't miss wet towels on the bedroom floor!
DeleteI feel your pain. Your description of your Miss 21 sounds very much like my version!! Particularly the towel/ toilet roll/hair grip scenarios!! It's difficult isn't it when they get their wings to fly. Hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim xxxx
Deleteoh God, you've made be blub. I can totally understand. I am already dreading when Violet does the Grown Up thing :o( xxx
ReplyDeleteIs simple! Just forbid it!
Delete