Crime - Does it pay?

Well, petals, I shall let you make up your own minds. My mind, however, is firmly made up.

 The answer of course is YES.  Here is why.....

Yesterday I said a LOT of truly less than wholesome words. I said them out loud, I said them on Twitter, I said them on Facebook, I said them to my Dad, I said them in my head,I said them to my sister, I said them to my friends, I said them via text.

If I had a swear box, I'd be bankrupt. There could have been a Royal event on with all the King This and King That going on.

A beloved follower of Twitter remarked that my TimeLine portrayed an accurate picture of today's broken Britain and the ultimate  words Jeremy and Kyle were also mentioned.

The reason for all this outrage?

Yesterday morning, early, Mr Radio set off out the door to go to work. I was still in bed pretending to be asleep - although I had been woken to find a work shirt and some toothpaste. To be honest I was not fussed at this point if he went to work in my dress with manky teeth! I think four days of none stop, grey, damp drizzle had got to me.  He then called to me in less than dulcet tones.

Some bleeping bleeping thieving bleeping bleep had nicked the bleeping wing mirrors off our car. The car is parked right outside our house. For Bleep's sake.  So the free for all swearing commenced. Now I know swearing is not big or clever but somehow it satisfies my soul to use bad language for bad people.

 I absolutely detest burglars. How bleeping DARE someone touch OUR things. They'd only took the mirror glass.  Some people may think I am over reacting. There are worse crimes.

WHY had they not gone out and just BOUGHT some mirrors if they needed them? You know, like NORMAL people do. NORMAL, law abiding, honest, LOVELY ,NORMAL people.

 I was incandescent with rage. I was FURIOUS. Beyond vexed does not cover it.  Mr Radio left for work under a similar black cloud.

 Earlier this year some scrote had wrenched off the wing mirror to get the nice silver back for their car. He is still on the look out for it. I then had to get a new black one and have it sprayed to match the car. Why did I not just scour the streets for the one I wanted ?  I called the police out to it then.

So when I reported it to the police yesterday morning, I was called a repeat victim! I have never been called a repeat victim before. I know people who don't bother reporting things like this. But why not? Yes, admittedly,  I already knew that I was never going to get the perps brought bang to rights, but I wanted it on record. I have a crime number.   It's my third crime number. The first one?

Swirly music, swirly mists, swirl your arms as we travel back in time  - I shall use italics AND a different colour for added dramatic effect.

Oohhh this happened years ago when my babies were small - but I can still get rankled to fever pitch thinking about it now. What happened?

Some TGBs  nicked my white patio table and chairs out of my back garden, that's what. Now those of you who know me well, know that my garden is MY garden and it's MINE and everything in it is LOVED. This was a lovely white plastic set of a round table and four chairs, given to  me us by Mr Radio's Dad. The table had a wonky leg. The chairs were quite distinct.

At the back of my house is a LARGE plot of private land that had gypsy caravans on them. I do not like these gyppos that live near me. I have many friends in the Travelling community but most of these at the back were absolutely lawless, hideous, scummy, loud ,obnoxious bleepers.

( Can you sense my dander is getting up?! )

I was up early with the children and drew back the dining room curtains. I walked away from the window, then had that, something wasn't right moment. I went back to the window - the table and chairs were not there. Unbelieving I opened the back door to have a proper look. Nope nothing.

 My friends laugh at this because, enraged, I actually stood in my garden and shouted
YOU THIEVING BLEEPING GYPSY BLEEPERS.

I rang Mr Radio at work who had to tell me to calm down! This was my first experience of a crime being committed against me! I have led a charmed, sheltered, naive life!  I rang the police. They were really lovely!  One of them asked me if I wanted my furniture listed as solid oak for insurance purposes?! SERIOUSLY! I declined his lovely offer though. I am so Law abiding it's untrue.

I am one of those people who are so scared of the police and being arrested I never put a foot out of line! I told the poilce that I hoped these people had scalding hot drinks on the table and that I hoped it collapsed on them as it had a dodgy leg. How DARE they climb over my wall and help themselves to MY STUFF????

A few weeks later, looking out of the window into the wastelands of Caravan City - what did I spy? MY CHAIRS. They were distinct. I rang the police again and reported my findings! They said they would call round! They did, the lying criminals claimed they were theirs and were given time to produce proof of purchase. Those chairs vanished the next day. Never to be seen again. I rest my case.

Swirly swirly etc
ANYWAY back to yesterday's trauma.

So the Policelass came round at 10am. I say lass, as she was approximately 13 years old.
She took mine and Mr Radio's  name, date of birth, job description, inside leg measurement etc. Probably to run checks on US! It's a wonder I wasn't fingerprinted. She took the details of what happened. She asked me was I friendly with my neighbours. I might want to ask them if they saw anything suspicious. She gave me her details so I could contact her with any information. So basically I had to conduct my own door to door enquiries! Also I was told, I think she thought I was a mad old bint, that there would be no forensics because of the weather. I am not aware of the fact that fingerprints wash off in the rain. BECAUSE I AM BLEEPING SURE THEY DON'T.  I think my mirrors were stolen to order!! By a well known to the police criminal bleeper.

However, clearly my paid up on time BY OURSELVES OUT OF OUR hard earned  WAGES council tax does not cover this. Off she popped to her next appointment with the promise of an email with a crime number. I was extremely 'RAAAARRRRy ' for the most of the day.

So crime has paid so far, someone has got ( MY ) mirrors on their car. Unless I have it all wrong, and it's the magpies - as pay back for all the salutes I give them.

Crime pays BIG STYLE.

In my professional life I have dealt with people who have been in  and out  of prison. They live in nice houses. They have massive flat screen TVs ( I don't - mine is one of those Sherman Tank Sized ones that will NEVER get stolen, because the noise of the crane and fork lift truck the burglars would need to remove it might attract attention.), they go on holiday abroad several times a year ( I don't - can't afford to ) .  They wear the latest fashionable trainers etc. Many are on falsely claimed benefits, cheating the system so professionally, driving round in brand new cars. A lot of money is drug related. Imagine my false smile plastered on my face as I had to share the happy news that one skanky scrote was out on licence, having achieved several vocational qualifications inc HGV licence and fort lift truck driving and free brick laying and plumbing courses at college. Paid for by effectively , US.  I know one was released with a couple of grand in wages accrued in Prison and given a job on the Council.

This individual hadn't done a paid day's legal work since leaving school. The conviction was for dealing crack cocaine - thus ensuring countless lives had been ruined. They were also ready to sell their puppies from their vicious breed of chav dog for £200 each. Hmmm I wonder if they are going to declare this to the tax man. It's OK petals, because I did. Not that anything was done about it.

Now then when Mr Radio was made redundant , you know from his poorly paid job, he got the statutory £65  a week for Jobseeker's allowance. He was allowed. ALLOWED, to look for work in his line of skill ( You know a good, honest, properly time served carpenter and joiner ) for two months. After this he had ( and would have too ) accepted anything. After six months, all benefits would stop because I earn too much. This too much , by the way, barely covers the food bill every month. We had no help with the mortgage etc. He looked into retraining and getting his HGV licence. There was NO HELP for us. It would cost over £1000.  Jobs at the Council? No chance.

THIS IS WHY IT MAKES ME SO MAD. Bleeping scum of the earth drug scum had it handed to them on a PLATE.

Thieves should lose their sticky fingers. Drug scum should lose all rights. Life should mean life. Rehabilitation my BLEEP!  Everyone is born the same with the same choices. Break the law or don't. If you choose wrong then you should be punished.

Who was punished yesterday? Oh yes, that's right.US. Policelass advised not to drive the car as we could get pulled for lack of mirrors. I kid you not. WE have to find the money to replace afore mentioned mirrors. I think I might get ones with razor blades fitted to the backs. ( I would then probably be successfully  prosecuted and sued by the next person to help themsleves )

As I said earlier, I know you are free to make up your own minds. Please excuse my rapid exit. I have just had an email from a Nigerian Uncle I didn't know  I had. I just need to sent him my sort code,account number and PIN so he can send me my inheritance! Perhaps my luck is changing after all!  First thing I will buy is a flat screen TV!

Have you been the victim of crime? Does crime pay?

GOOD FRIDAY? Good Friday My ARSE!

Well, as I am sure a few of you know, things in this house have not been going tickety boo dishwasherwise.To those of you in the dark - I am going to vent explain.

I have had my Hotpoint dishwasher a good few years past it's official guarantee . It was working fine, until one day I noticed that the pots were not quite clean. Now my first instinct, was to blame poor Mr Radio because ten times out of ten it IS his fault.  ( Whatever is it. )
We are guilty of having dishwasher stacking arguments, because he does not do it properly.

However, I re stacked and set it going again - but I noticed the water was not getting hot. So I ( I have blogged about this before.....Whinge about dishwashers is mid paragraph on this post from January 2011  ) then naturally did nothing about it for a very long time! See the post link!

In a nutshell, I rang Hotpoint who said I could either pay a one off fee of over a hundred quid and have it fixed, or sign up to a 12 month contract for a small amount each month. This does in fact work out more than the one off fee - but it IS only a small amount each month, my whole dishwasher will be covered and if it breaks  they will replace it with a new one. SO I signed up -


only to have my beloved come home and say lets get a new one! But the boiler is living on borrowed time - so we figured we'd save our pennies for then.


**********************self preservation disclaimer alert*******************************
I know, I know, I know and I hate myself for it but I know how spoilt n bratty I sound whinging about a dishwasher. But I HATE washing up. HATE it. It's so time consuming. I use a LOT of hot water. I am lucky to have hot water etc. But until you have a dishwasher and like it, taking it away is like taking your LAPTOPS/MOBILES/PCs/CHILDREN away.

********************************************************************************

SO A really nice chap arrived on Monday , just after the really nice Gasman left ( I bet the neighbours were talking!!)  - he asked me what was wrong with it.
I explained that it works, each program runs all the way through - but the water does not get hot. He was chuckling as I explained how I was an expert at googling stuff and getting my dad in to fix things - but we were all stumped with this machine and how to get into it!
I made him a cup of tea. He ordered the parts, showed me how to get into the machine. Asked if he could look under my washing machine as he was desperate to get his hands on a Direct Drive!  And left. All jolly lovely, hearts and flowers, unicorns and rainbows.


CUT TO FRIDAY,

The engineer would be here between 11am and 1pm.

THEY arrived at 12noon in a cloud of cigarette smoke. They stank of stale fags. SO that immediately got my back up. Good first impression? Nope. The way he swaggered straight into my house with this other bloke traipsing behind him? Good second impression? Not bloody likely. Did he introduce himself and his mate? Three strikes - they were nearly out!

I followed them into the kitchen and was answering his "What's up with it?" as he cut me off, switched his Ipod on and said I gotta have music to work! The ONLY thing that saved him here was that it was Brandon Flowers he had playing.
Unbeknownst ( Bloody hell I love that word) to me, Engineer Organ Grinder had already whinged,
" O I bet its the dishwasher I hate doing them!" to Mr Radio

Trainee engineer Monkey sheepishly bleated "O hello - I am just learning how to do these. He was pleasant enough, but was not wearing company clothes, which I found a bit odd.

He was wearing clothes I hasten to add, because dear reader - that would have been very odd! He just had on scruffy jeans and a jumper.

Then I was informed that my machine was in fact Bosch. Was I supposed to be impressed?

Organ grinder then set to work - explaining bits and bobs to his monkey. He sent Monkey out to the van to get some parts. He asked me to use my bathroom - which for some reason I wanted to refuse but said yes. Where had my backbone gone???

I felt really uncomfortable around them, but being British, I didn't like to say anything! I made them a coffee - he asked me if I had caffeinated when I'd said it's decaff! Er no - you are really starting to get on my tits boy. ( Yet still I said nothing!! )

After a while I left them to it and went upstairs to get ready to go out once they'd finished. Whilst upstairs I heard the door - looked out to see them at the van. I assumed they were getting more parts or tidying up.

 I came back downstairs and said to my beloved Oh, have they finished ?- fully expecting them to come back to me, to tell me what they'd done and to show me that it was fixed and working! Imagine my surprise when I was told they'd  just walked straight out of my house and when asked, Mr Radio was told O your receipt is on the side. I was frankly affronted!!!

Manners dictate you say goodbye to someone before you leave their house. The Supply of Goods and Services Act 1982 says "carry out the service with reasonable care and skill" well judging from the banging and crashing that was coming from my kitchen and the fact they asked me for MY large bath towel and mops to clean up the water covers the reasonable care bit and the FLAMING OBVIOUS POINT OF NOW THE MACHINE DOES NOT WORK AT ALL covers the skill bit!!

When I went back into the kitchen, they'd helped themselves to MY tea towels and left them soaking wet in the sink - there was water everywhere, the dishwasher rack was on the floor and they'd stuffed their rubbish in MY bin! Now I know this sounds really pathetic and petty - but as Mr Radio pointed out - when he goes to work in people's homes he does not ask them to put their own dust sheets down, he has to clean up and leave the home in the same state ( and a lot of the times ) a darn site cleaner than it was and remove all rubbish. Had they asked me if I could dispose of the rubbish, I would have obliged and recycled all the different stuff, but they had just SHOVED it into my bin.

 It was at this point I was strongly suspecting I had been secretly filmed for the BBC programme Rogue Traders. I was sincerely hoping not because my hair was a right state. I checked the street. No I could not see Matt Alwright badly disguised , hiding in my neighbour's hedge.

I can feel my dander getting up now!  Back to the story ....

I decided I would load up the dishwasher and set it going once I got back from town and off we went.

I was giddy at the thought of gleaming glasses and cutlery. I put new rinse aid and salt in and thought I would just run it on a quick wash empty. I pressed the machine on. red lights came on. red lights is good - they are supposed to be red. I pressed the button for the quick wash, stood back, held my breath and looked forward to placing my hand on the machine in ten minutes and feeling HEAT. But. nothing. Nada, nil, zero, do not pass go, do not collect £200, do not collect clean plates because NOTHING HAPPENED. I stood.Incredulous.

It was ok, I wasn't hyperventilating yet. I had my manual.  I turned to Trouble shooting. I looked up -
Problems - When the appliance is switched on Appliance does not start up.
-Fault with fuse in plug? Nope.
-Plug not inserted into plug socket?  ( I bloody checked - even though the big clue that there was electricity running through the machine was the RED LIGHTS) - nope
-Appliance door not closed properly? Yep it was closed. I opened and closed it about ten times to check. It was closed .
-Water tap not turned on? - It was turned on.
-Blocked strainer in water intake hose? Nothing was blocked.
-The strainer is situated in the supply hose connection - ummm don't think so
-Ensure fill hose is not kinked. - Nothing was kinky in MY kitchen!

Looked at the receipt they had left. According to my data they had replaced the heater unit and the module unit.

I rang the help line. It was CLOSED. So I ranted and raared and was generally pissed off about it all night!

This morning, I was calm and collected. It wasn't the customer service team's fault. So when I got through ( no waiting on hold for ten hours listening to muzak - that may have just tipped me over the edge ) I explained that I now had a none working dishwasher and I would like to give them feedback on the service I had received.
The lady was very nice. She apologised and said I could have my original nice man engineer but not till next Friday. I said that was fine. She did offer me the engineer who came on Friday...but accepted that may just be a tad awkward! She made a note of my concerns and asked me to file an official complaint on Tuesday when the relevant people would be back at work. She also made a note on my file that Organ Grinder ( she was not sure who the monkey was ) would NEVER EVER darken my doorstep again! And probably no other doorstep in the land if that was how they  behaved.

Now I am not an unreasonable ogre. Had the bloke said to me, look |I have replaced the parts but now it's not working at all, however I have another appointment to get to, please ring to arrange another call out - I would have been narked but not enraged. But the fact he hot footed it away SMACKS OF GUILT. He should have handed my receipt to me in my hand, pointed out details on it to me and SHOWN ME THAT HE HAD FIXED MY MACHINE!!!

Come on I am ready for you all to outpour your service engineer angst. Please tell me all your appliance rage stories. It's over to you!