Friday, 27 July 2012

Crime - Does it pay?

Well, petals, I shall let you make up your own minds. My mind, however, is firmly made up.

 The answer of course is YES.  Here is why.....

Yesterday I said a LOT of truly less than wholesome words. I said them out loud, I said them on Twitter, I said them on Facebook, I said them to my Dad, I said them in my head,I said them to my sister, I said them to my friends, I said them via text.

If I had a swear box, I'd be bankrupt. There could have been a Royal event on with all the King This and King That going on.

A beloved follower of Twitter remarked that my TimeLine portrayed an accurate picture of today's broken Britain and the ultimate  words Jeremy and Kyle were also mentioned.

The reason for all this outrage?

Yesterday morning, early, Mr Radio set off out the door to go to work. I was still in bed pretending to be asleep - although I had been woken to find a work shirt and some toothpaste. To be honest I was not fussed at this point if he went to work in my dress with manky teeth! I think four days of none stop, grey, damp drizzle had got to me.  He then called to me in less than dulcet tones.

Some bleeping bleeping thieving bleeping bleep had nicked the bleeping wing mirrors off our car. The car is parked right outside our house. For Bleep's sake.  So the free for all swearing commenced. Now I know swearing is not big or clever but somehow it satisfies my soul to use bad language for bad people.

 I absolutely detest burglars. How bleeping DARE someone touch OUR things. They'd only took the mirror glass.  Some people may think I am over reacting. There are worse crimes.

WHY had they not gone out and just BOUGHT some mirrors if they needed them? You know, like NORMAL people do. NORMAL, law abiding, honest, LOVELY ,NORMAL people.

 I was incandescent with rage. I was FURIOUS. Beyond vexed does not cover it.  Mr Radio left for work under a similar black cloud.

 Earlier this year some scrote had wrenched off the wing mirror to get the nice silver back for their car. He is still on the look out for it. I then had to get a new black one and have it sprayed to match the car. Why did I not just scour the streets for the one I wanted ?  I called the police out to it then.

So when I reported it to the police yesterday morning, I was called a repeat victim! I have never been called a repeat victim before. I know people who don't bother reporting things like this. But why not? Yes, admittedly,  I already knew that I was never going to get the perps brought bang to rights, but I wanted it on record. I have a crime number.   It's my third crime number. The first one?

Swirly music, swirly mists, swirl your arms as we travel back in time  - I shall use italics AND a different colour for added dramatic effect.

Oohhh this happened years ago when my babies were small - but I can still get rankled to fever pitch thinking about it now. What happened?

Some TGBs  nicked my white patio table and chairs out of my back garden, that's what. Now those of you who know me well, know that my garden is MY garden and it's MINE and everything in it is LOVED. This was a lovely white plastic set of a round table and four chairs, given to  me us by Mr Radio's Dad. The table had a wonky leg. The chairs were quite distinct.

At the back of my house is a LARGE plot of private land that had gypsy caravans on them. I do not like these gyppos that live near me. I have many friends in the Travelling community but most of these at the back were absolutely lawless, hideous, scummy, loud ,obnoxious bleepers.

( Can you sense my dander is getting up?! )

I was up early with the children and drew back the dining room curtains. I walked away from the window, then had that, something wasn't right moment. I went back to the window - the table and chairs were not there. Unbelieving I opened the back door to have a proper look. Nope nothing.

 My friends laugh at this because, enraged, I actually stood in my garden and shouted

I rang Mr Radio at work who had to tell me to calm down! This was my first experience of a crime being committed against me! I have led a charmed, sheltered, naive life!  I rang the police. They were really lovely!  One of them asked me if I wanted my furniture listed as solid oak for insurance purposes?! SERIOUSLY! I declined his lovely offer though. I am so Law abiding it's untrue.

I am one of those people who are so scared of the police and being arrested I never put a foot out of line! I told the poilce that I hoped these people had scalding hot drinks on the table and that I hoped it collapsed on them as it had a dodgy leg. How DARE they climb over my wall and help themselves to MY STUFF????

A few weeks later, looking out of the window into the wastelands of Caravan City - what did I spy? MY CHAIRS. They were distinct. I rang the police again and reported my findings! They said they would call round! They did, the lying criminals claimed they were theirs and were given time to produce proof of purchase. Those chairs vanished the next day. Never to be seen again. I rest my case.

Swirly swirly etc
ANYWAY back to yesterday's trauma.

So the Policelass came round at 10am. I say lass, as she was approximately 13 years old.
She took mine and Mr Radio's  name, date of birth, job description, inside leg measurement etc. Probably to run checks on US! It's a wonder I wasn't fingerprinted. She took the details of what happened. She asked me was I friendly with my neighbours. I might want to ask them if they saw anything suspicious. She gave me her details so I could contact her with any information. So basically I had to conduct my own door to door enquiries! Also I was told, I think she thought I was a mad old bint, that there would be no forensics because of the weather. I am not aware of the fact that fingerprints wash off in the rain. BECAUSE I AM BLEEPING SURE THEY DON'T.  I think my mirrors were stolen to order!! By a well known to the police criminal bleeper.

However, clearly my paid up on time BY OURSELVES OUT OF OUR hard earned  WAGES council tax does not cover this. Off she popped to her next appointment with the promise of an email with a crime number. I was extremely 'RAAAARRRRy ' for the most of the day.

So crime has paid so far, someone has got ( MY ) mirrors on their car. Unless I have it all wrong, and it's the magpies - as pay back for all the salutes I give them.

Crime pays BIG STYLE.

In my professional life I have dealt with people who have been in  and out  of prison. They live in nice houses. They have massive flat screen TVs ( I don't - mine is one of those Sherman Tank Sized ones that will NEVER get stolen, because the noise of the crane and fork lift truck the burglars would need to remove it might attract attention.), they go on holiday abroad several times a year ( I don't - can't afford to ) .  They wear the latest fashionable trainers etc. Many are on falsely claimed benefits, cheating the system so professionally, driving round in brand new cars. A lot of money is drug related. Imagine my false smile plastered on my face as I had to share the happy news that one skanky scrote was out on licence, having achieved several vocational qualifications inc HGV licence and fort lift truck driving and free brick laying and plumbing courses at college. Paid for by effectively , US.  I know one was released with a couple of grand in wages accrued in Prison and given a job on the Council.

This individual hadn't done a paid day's legal work since leaving school. The conviction was for dealing crack cocaine - thus ensuring countless lives had been ruined. They were also ready to sell their puppies from their vicious breed of chav dog for £200 each. Hmmm I wonder if they are going to declare this to the tax man. It's OK petals, because I did. Not that anything was done about it.

Now then when Mr Radio was made redundant , you know from his poorly paid job, he got the statutory £65  a week for Jobseeker's allowance. He was allowed. ALLOWED, to look for work in his line of skill ( You know a good, honest, properly time served carpenter and joiner ) for two months. After this he had ( and would have too ) accepted anything. After six months, all benefits would stop because I earn too much. This too much , by the way, barely covers the food bill every month. We had no help with the mortgage etc. He looked into retraining and getting his HGV licence. There was NO HELP for us. It would cost over £1000.  Jobs at the Council? No chance.

THIS IS WHY IT MAKES ME SO MAD. Bleeping scum of the earth drug scum had it handed to them on a PLATE.

Thieves should lose their sticky fingers. Drug scum should lose all rights. Life should mean life. Rehabilitation my BLEEP!  Everyone is born the same with the same choices. Break the law or don't. If you choose wrong then you should be punished.

Who was punished yesterday? Oh yes, that's right.US. Policelass advised not to drive the car as we could get pulled for lack of mirrors. I kid you not. WE have to find the money to replace afore mentioned mirrors. I think I might get ones with razor blades fitted to the backs. ( I would then probably be successfully  prosecuted and sued by the next person to help themsleves )

As I said earlier, I know you are free to make up your own minds. Please excuse my rapid exit. I have just had an email from a Nigerian Uncle I didn't know  I had. I just need to sent him my sort code,account number and PIN so he can send me my inheritance! Perhaps my luck is changing after all!  First thing I will buy is a flat screen TV!

Have you been the victim of crime? Does crime pay?


  1. I agree with everything you just said... I was in the Navy so I added some REALLY good swear words!
    Jane x

  2. Police people being young is a sign of aging you know

    I would have included you as a #ff today but for all the sweary words


    1. As I said on the Twitter - I shall not conform for a FF!! ;-)

  3. totally agree rach thieving F****** B******** love shell

    1. It'll be the same person who swiped your radiator. Bleeping bleeeeeps!

  4. Years back we had a menswear shop and some of our best customers were burglars. Yep, you could'nt make it up. they'd go missing for a while and the mate would say 'oh Freds in prison' then they'd come out and spend wads of cash.

    Of course we got shoplifters and some that used stolen credit cards but my 'favourites' were the ram raiders. Tie the security shutters to the car then back the stolen car into the window. How I used to love getting up early hours of the morning to go sort it out. Mind you I had to laugh once as we had had a drink so got a taxi there and the police were lovely and gave us a lift back. My insomniac neighbour must of wondered what we had done!

    The best though was opening up saturday morning to see they had taken the outside wall out and nicked a stockroom full of clothes. Luckily they had been disturbed and we managed to get everything back a few shops away. My dad bricked it up but we had to sleep there as they would have come back. The wall was then alarmed up and yes they did try it again. We also had motion detectors outside but because we kept getting called out as they tried their luck we had another alarm before that which just went off and did not set the main one off.

    Luckily we were able to distance ourselves from it, part of the business, less personal. Nowadays I don't know how I'd have coped.

    Great post, lets out those bleeping bleeps!

  5. Rachel, when I'm king, I will personally see to it that everybody who has ever trespassed against you is lined up against a wall. And if you don't want to do it, I'LL shoot them myself. We need a cull of the scum classes and we need it yesterday. Get out if you can, while you can. X

  6. Testing, testing. Obviously I can't easily reproduce my original masterpiece, but basically I was just saying when I'm King we'll hunt them down and line them up and fucking shoot the fucking thieving fuckers!

  7. Repeated vandalism/theft and then you might get a ticket if you take the vehicle out to buy parts. What a joke played on the innocent. Bleep some more if it helps! Don' give yourself an ulcer holding it in!

  8. I often use colourful language... except the C word. Hate that word. But I know where and when to swear... and never in front of my mother lol

  9. Typical, while the rest of us have pretty little Fairies or the odd cheeky Pixie at the bottom of our gardens, you have to go one better and have "THIEVING BLEEPING GYPSY BLEEPERS"!


Many thanks for taking the time to read my words and respond with your own thoughts. I always try to reply so make sure you pop back to see!