OK I am back to normal.
Post two is about my neighbours and their demon child. No not THAT side - he is for another day - but the ones on that side ( nods head in general dirction so you are clear on whom I'm about to pull to bits ).
Mum and Dad are lovely, friendly folk. We chat over the fence. We smiled and said it was OK as night after night after night after night after night after night after night often till 11pm he banged, sawed, hammered, drilled, drilled a bit more and drilled a bit more as he renovated their house.
I also feel the need to emphasise that boisterous play is important, all play is, but quiet times are important too for learning different skills. I know I joke about being a Victorian Mama , but I just re read through this and it sounded like I think children should be strapped I to straight jackets and not allowed to speak! Also, I am not exaggerating anything really in what you are about to read. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Well they had a baaaayyyyybi. ( The mum is from Liverpool - this is how she pronounces it)
Dad is a fireman ( he works on Ugly watch ) and mum has her own Ballet Dancing school so her working hours tend to be 2pm till 8 - 9pm.
( I need to mention also that he is a tight as fuck when it comes to money etc)
so anyway she worked right up til her waters broke practically ( he said they won't have any money as she works for herself - don't mention the fact they have two other houses that they rent out and he is on really good money and drives a fancy car - LOL o how the other half live ) anyway! baaaaayyyyybih Jayyyyymih was born and brought home.
Then mum returned to work quite soon and Dad and his parents looked after him. I'm not kidding whenver I saw the baby he was always being given what I deem high velocity attention. Everything was always fast and furious and dad worked his arse off to highly entertain this child.
Round about his first birthday was when I was often asked for my advice on he won't eat or sleep stuff. I said then how routine was important. Offer different foods etc. Mealtimes calm and eat at the table etc..It ain't rocket science)
What was happening was mum would go to work about 4pm. Dad would race J round the garden, fling him up in the air, play football ( this is ALL the kid would do ) kick the ball - and have boistrous play fighting kind of play. Now I know this is making me sound like some grumpy old woman ( I am) and a kind of know it all ( again .... I AM!) JaaaayyymiH would only eat chips ( WHO IS IT THAT IS ONLY FEEDING HIM CHIPS ??????? then they would keep him up till Mummy came home 8.30 - 9.30 pm where mummy would play with him, they would go for walks in the summer.
Mr Radio and I would just look at one another and raise our eyebrows as we knew !!
Then the nightly battle of the Somme would begin and boy has that little chappie got a massive voice.
Again - dad would say to me over the fence - what can we do - he won't go to bed. I would suggest - tactically without saying because it's your fault - that a good routine was needed, tea, bath quiet time book and sleep. Leave him to cry. It would be hard but eventually it will work.
The problem was that poor J didn't know HOW to be alone or HOW to be quiet. He doesn't play with toys - he has the attention span of his dad! His dad wooshed him from one activity to the the next! I could hear Jaaayyymi's nana try to get him to look at the book and then Dad would come and whisk him away!!! Honest! I would be EXHAUSTED just listening to the play ( if you could call it that) when I was sat in the sun all yellow.
Well, just as I suspected, when baby number two came along, suddenly JaaayyyymiH was expected to now suddenly go to bed and do as he was told! SHOCK. It was a shock to little J!!
Mum still works the same hours. I don't know what they do with him in the daytime - but O my word is she struggling with the whirling dervish they created! She has two kiddos now, she is knackered when she gets in from work. She wants to sit down, eat her tea not play football in the house wit Jaaayyymih . He should be in bed. ( I know this for a fact because I've heard her screaming it at the dad)
I did tweet once about how midst tantrum she was shouting " Calm down calm down"
( UK viewers again will know this relates to a harry Enfield Sketch making sweeping generalisations about people from Liverpool)
The last few weeks it has beem worse. J is three now. I think they honestly expected him to naturally start to behave. The baby has started crying more - he is I think about 7 months old, I think he can sense he is in a fraught environment. I have heard her really lay the law down to J, then Dad come and undermine her and give in to hom, then THEY have a row and doors are slammed. It's regularly 9, 10 oclock every night when the screaming is about him going to bed.
Up to now, we've smiled and lied through our teeth when we say no, it's ok we don't hear a thing....BUT
I have a super stressed out doing her A Levels 17 year old who is saying that the screaming next door is beginning to affect her and it is waking her in the night. What should/could I do?
They ignored any suggestions I have offered ( INCLUDING ACTUALLY RINGING SUPERNANNY ) .
What the fuck do I know? ( Insert facts about raising two children of my own, two years full time study of early years childhood , child pyschology, 18 years working in all sorts of different educational settings including numerous 'special needs' environments )
Well I am in no way the world's greatest parent, I do know all children are different. My two were exceptionally placid lovely babies. Sure they had toddler tantrums which I dealy swiftly and expertly ( LOL ) with. But I made sure RIGHT from the start that any time after 7pm was ME time. So when they obviously were not tiny babies. It would be tea at 4 - 5pm. quiet play. bath at 6.30 then story nurse and bed to fall asleep on their own. Yes both went through the screaming blue muder stage. I did the 'go to them, say nothing, lay them down sit at the door thing '( I can't think what it's real name is ) and yes it was a tough few nights but I was determined. I have two beautiful well adjusted children.
As far as I know - they have not asked for medical advice ( I do not for one minute think he is Autistic ) ( Again - I AM qualified in recognising aspects of this before you all start) PLUS I PREDICT that when he starts school those dreaded 4 letters will be bandied about BY THE PARENTS.
It's still not too late for then to start to help J to calm down and get into a good sleep routine but I don't think they will. Last night Mum was SCREECHING at him to SHUT UP SHUT UP - he was yelling back NO I WON'T , they are always YELLING empty threats and the none stop SHOUTING is dreadful. It doesn't work. Also hearing your mum and dad shouting about you in front of you can only be a negative thing - I'll give you a for example.
She was shouting at J for whatever, he cam ein asking what was all the noise, she explained, he obviously thought she was in the wrong, gave in to J and then shouted at her for all the shouting. She then said don't you EVER DARE TO TELL ME OFF IN FRONT OF HIM AGAIN . SLAM. ( it's a good job he did all that drilling - the doors need strong fixings. )
Honestly - what didyou lot do when you were getting raared at? I used to turn off! ( Yes - I did get raared at - I wasn't a perfect child!!! )
I repeat they are lovely people, He is a cutie pie but they do him and themselves no favours at all.
He is like a before on a Jo Frost programme.